schmerica | it doesn't have a title yet

YOU GUYS

blondiusmaximus WAS HAVING A BAD DAY.

IF YOU KNOW BLAYNE YOU KNOW WHY THIS WAS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

SO I WROTE HER A STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORY!

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

IT IS A STORY FILLED WITH EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HER FAVORITE THINGS I COULD CRAM INTO 180 WORDS. ILU BLAYNE! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

A STORY FOR BLAYNE
BY PEARL AGED 23 1/2

ONCE THERE WAS A BOY NAMED FRANKIE. HE WAS A VERY PRETTY BOY. SO PRETTY WAS FRANKIE! HE DRESSED IN PINK AND WORE BARRETTES IN HIS HAIR AND LAUGHED AN INNOCENT LAUGH. ONE DAY AFTER SCHOOL HE MET A BOY NAMED GERARD. GERARD WAS ~~~OLDER AND MYSTERIOUS AND DARK AND HANDSOME BUT HE STILL LIKED FRANKIE ANYWAY! THEY BECAME FAST FRIENDS AND WALKED AROUND HOLDING HANDS AND GERARD BOUGHT FRANKIE ALL SORTS OF PRETTY PINK BARRETTES.

THEN ONE DAY GERARD RAPED FRANKIE. HE PUT HIS PENIS IN FRANKIE'S ROSEBUD. IT HURT A LOT. MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. FRANKIE CRIED. HE CRIED A LOT. GERARD SAID "FRANKIE YOU'RE A WHORE" AND SPIT ON HIM AND TOOK ONE OF HIS PRETTY BARRETTES.

AT HOME GERARD'S BROTHER MIKEY WAS WAITING AND GERARD GAVE HIM THE BARRETTE AND THEY ARRANGED IT ON THEIR ALTER THEY HAD MADE OF ALL OF GERARD'S RAPE VICTIMS. THEN THEY HAD GROSS INCESTY SEX WITH WATERSPORTS

MEANWHILE FRANKIE KILLED HIMSELF. A BEAUTIFUL ROSE BUSH GREW ON TOP OF HIS GRAVE AND BLOOMED PURE PINK ROSES EVERY YEAR.

THE END

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

OH IT HAS A TITLE

'BEAUTIFUL'

YOU KNOW, LIKE FRANKIE'S ROSEBUD~~

IT WAS THE COLOR OF HIS BEAUTIFUL PINK DRESS~~ WHICH WAS STAINED WITH BLOOD FROM HIS WRISTS~~ MUCH AS HIS BEAUTIFUL ROSEBUD WAS BLOODIED BY GERARD'S HUGE ANGRY PENIS~~~~~

ANGRY PENIS!!!

IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME YOU WOULD DRAW ME A CARTOON OF A HUGE ANGRY PENIS WITH A >:( FACE

(no subject)

blondiusmaximus.livejournal.com - 2008-06-05 07:44 (UTC) - Expand

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happy-coconut.livejournal.com - 2008-06-05 07:49 (UTC) - Expand

AHHHHHHHHHH ROSEBUD.

*beams*

HAHA. I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU TOO

;_________;

THAT WAS Just beautiful

YOU ARE MY FAVORITE

I AM WORRIED ABOUT HOW MUCH LEA IS GOING TO YELL AT ME TOMORROW

OT: How did school go?

Okay! I turned in my phonology homework and printed out some othyer stuff for reference for syntax, and I confirmed exactly when my syntax final is do (noon on the 13th, so i have just over a week to get everything dine.

happy-coconut.livejournal.com - 2008-06-05 07:54 (UTC) - Expand

I can't stop laughing and my stomach hurts now. So. THANKS A LOT. ♥

I DID WHAT I INTENDED

WHAT.

I've been sitting here for 5 minutes trying to say something in response to this. The only coherant statement I find myself capable of is HI, PEARL, I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE YOU HUGS.

AND MAYBE RUN AWAY VERY FAST TOO.

carnilia.livejournal.com - 2008-06-05 19:24 (UTC) - Expand

pearl-o.livejournal.com - 2008-06-05 23:16 (UTC) - Expand

I LIKE HUGS!

carnilia.livejournal.com - 2008-06-05 23:38 (UTC) - Expand

PEARL IF I CONFESS MY LOVE FOR YOU DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE TO RAPE YOU

THAT DEPENDS HOW ANGRY IS YOUR PENIS

impertinence.livejournal.com - 2008-06-06 00:10 (UTC) - Expand

pearl-o.livejournal.com - 2008-06-06 00:40 (UTC) - Expand

impertinence.livejournal.com - 2008-06-06 00:46 (UTC) - Expand

This was magical.

I tried!

LOLOL This story is amazing!

Thank you!

http://users.livejournal.com/rayla_/ - 2008-06-06 06:37 (UTC) - Expand

my happy tears, they are falling
oh hilarious pearl
you slay me

my admiration for this epic crackficlet, told in haiku! gross incesty sex with watersports! <3

OH MAN. I don't know if I have ever inspired anyone to poetry before!

GROSS INCESTY SEX WITH WATERSPORTS.

YOU ARE MY NEW FAAAAVORITE.

\o/

*more creepy lurkers here*

THE COMMENTS ARE EVEN BETTER THAN THE FIC ITSELF. *cradles them*

&BLAYNE;

A little part of my soul died when I read this post(and comments!) but the lurve of Gee and Mikey~~Mommy~~ brought it back.

<3

Yay!

magdalyna.livejournal.com - 2008-06-06 01:23 (UTC) - Expand

wow! That was one of the most awesome things to read when depraved of sleep... O___O