She hates the way her voices cracks, but Justin comes off the door like she's actually crying, or something stupid like that, and maybe that's what this is, this pins-and-needles-feeling in her fingers, and the pulsing knot in her stomach, the heat in her belly. Maybe she's just tired of pretending to be fine, to have won and lost and lost and then to have to forget all over again so Max can be funny and not half-gone and their parents can love them without ever needing to be reminded that they forgot. She's shaking now, really shaking, and she can't make herself stop.
Justin's back on the bed again, arms reaching for her and pulling her close, and Alex lets him put her in his lap, her legs straddling his hips, and it should be weird and they should be fighting, but mostly Alex can feel the magic she still has hammering through her veins and the knot tightening in her stomach, and Justin wants to leave, he wants to leave, and he can't.
"I won't," he says, higher than usual, sounding like a kid, and Alex realizes she's begging again, hands twisted in the neck of his t-shirt, yanking him to her.
"I won't," he repeats, pressing her close, one hand at her waist, and the other tangling in her hair. She can feel his skin getting hot against her, the thrumming tickle of Justin-flavored magic that always reminded her of lemons and spring cleaning turning into something wilder, astringent like ammonia.
She jerks back until he's looking at her, wide eyes and white face with its red finger marks above his lip. "Promise," she says, grinding the word out of her throat. "You promise me right now."
He nods quickly, chin jerking up and down like she's got him on a string, and she shakes him by the collar, yanking them off balance. Justin falls back to the bed, and she lands on his chest, threads tearing in his shirt as she bounces to a rest. Her hair falls like a curtain around them, and Justin stares up into her face.
Alex doesn't feel nice, with Justin’s magic scouring her, and her own magic driving from the inside. She feels like her skin is going to rip to shreds unless Justin promises not to leave for reals, forever and a day the way that real wizards swear, with consequences for breaking their vows. Her lips draw back, her heart hammers. She wants him to say it out loud, but all he's doing is nodding, shifting beneath her, feet kicking at the floor like he's trying to get leverage. His hands are grasping her tight, she thinks there might be a bruise on her waist in a minute, but that doesn't matter just yet.
"Out loud," she says, and if her voice is scraped raw the only person who can say is Justin and he's breathing too hard to tell her.
"Please," she says, and Justin's body freezes, muscles locked into position. His eyes burn, flaring like suns, and Alex refuses to look away.
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In The Morning, You Go Gunning 2/2
29/5/10 21:44 (UTC)Justin's back on the bed again, arms reaching for her and pulling her close, and Alex lets him put her in his lap, her legs straddling his hips, and it should be weird and they should be fighting, but mostly Alex can feel the magic she still has hammering through her veins and the knot tightening in her stomach, and Justin wants to leave, he wants to leave, and he can't.
"I won't," he says, higher than usual, sounding like a kid, and Alex realizes she's begging again, hands twisted in the neck of his t-shirt, yanking him to her.
"I won't," he repeats, pressing her close, one hand at her waist, and the other tangling in her hair. She can feel his skin getting hot against her, the thrumming tickle of Justin-flavored magic that always reminded her of lemons and spring cleaning turning into something wilder, astringent like ammonia.
She jerks back until he's looking at her, wide eyes and white face with its red finger marks above his lip. "Promise," she says, grinding the word out of her throat. "You promise me right now."
He nods quickly, chin jerking up and down like she's got him on a string, and she shakes him by the collar, yanking them off balance. Justin falls back to the bed, and she lands on his chest, threads tearing in his shirt as she bounces to a rest. Her hair falls like a curtain around them, and Justin stares up into her face.
Alex doesn't feel nice, with Justin’s magic scouring her, and her own magic driving from the inside. She feels like her skin is going to rip to shreds unless Justin promises not to leave for reals, forever and a day the way that real wizards swear, with consequences for breaking their vows. Her lips draw back, her heart hammers. She wants him to say it out loud, but all he's doing is nodding, shifting beneath her, feet kicking at the floor like he's trying to get leverage. His hands are grasping her tight, she thinks there might be a bruise on her waist in a minute, but that doesn't matter just yet.
"Out loud," she says, and if her voice is scraped raw the only person who can say is Justin and he's breathing too hard to tell her.
"Please," she says, and Justin's body freezes, muscles locked into position. His eyes burn, flaring like suns, and Alex refuses to look away.
"I promise," he says. "I will never leave you."