my two hats

This morning on AIM I was chatting with nifra_idril, and we came around to the topic of china_shop's latest story (which, if you haven't read yet, ohmygodsogoodowmyheart). And as we discussing this, I ended up mentioning to Nif that, really, usually at this point, if there was an author writing stuff I really loved on such a regular basis, I would have a two-fold reaction: the "SQUEEEEEE!," yes, but there would also be the "argh! jealousy" thing along with it.

The thing is, one of the features of participating in a fannish community like this is that when I read fic, I'm reading both as a reader and as a writer. I would say upwards of eighty to ninety percent of the time when I'm reading a story, I have both of these hats on, to some degree. There are some authors whom I read and go "ARGH OH MY GOD THIS IS SO GOOD KILL ME NOW BECAUSE I'LL NEVER WRITE ANYTHING THAT GOOD EVER," or, you know, "wow, I would kill for that line" or "how can she make plot/long stories/porn/insert-pet-problem-here look so skillful and easy" or even "dude, that's brilliant; I wish I had thought of it." It's not always jealousy, necessarily, though it often is for me -- or jealousy isn't perhaps the word; envy, perhaps, or something gentler. (The teeth-gnashing resentment of goodness is comparatively rare, I mean.) But, yes, there's generally for me, along with my general, pure reaction as a reader, also the second reaction that comes of a writer in the same community, comparing and analyzing and marking things away in my brain.

Which makes it especially interesting to me that there are stories where I don't do that. I'm not sure what it is that makes the difference -- it's not stories being better or stories being worse or what I think of the authors -- but the example I was giving to Nif this morning is one where I don't find the back of my brain going "Sigh. I wish I could write stuff that good and creative at this pace;" it's just me being completely satisfied to a be a reader. It's a strange sensation.

Also, this entire post was an excuse to put off working on my ds_seekritsanta story.