beat with STICKS

God, Edmund Bertram/Fanny Price is seriously one of the grossest canon het couples ever. Ew ew ew ew EW. I sort of want to beat them away from me with sticks. Seriously, in my head, I'm forced to have this whole big AU for the ending of the book going on, where Mrs. Rushworth disgraces herself with someone else, and it ends with Fanny with Henry Crawford and Edmund with Mary Crawford, just to make the book bearable.

In conclusion, Mansfield Park is really not my favorite Austen.

things i assume you know about me

1. I'm female.

2. I'm a feminist.

3. I'm a slasher. By slash, I include both m/m and f/f. As much as I like het and gen, too -- and I like them a lot -- I'm most likely to read them if they're written by other people who identify as slashers.

4. I'm young. I started college at 16; I got into fandom at 17; I turn 21 in mid-December.

5. If you don't explicitly tell me otherwise, I will probably assume all the above things are true for you, too, when we get into a conversation for the first time. (Although by young, I mean I will probably assume you're either in your twenties or early thirties.)

6. I'm depressed. Most of the time this is under control. Sometimes it's less so.

7. I'm straight. I think girls are hot, but I don't want to have sex with them. All of my significant emotional relationships tend to be with women, however (and more often than not, with queer women).

8. My politics are not necessarily the same as yours. I grew up in an extremely conservative, Republican family, and though my politics have drifted way far away from theirs, I still love and respect my family and think they're good people. Therefore, I am probably not the best audience for your "kill them all! fucking bastards!" jokes or rants. I don't belong to the Democratic party, and I don't identify as a liberal; my orientation is closest to "crazy libertarian."

9. I am not always very nice. I am probably bitchier than you think I am. Unless you already think I am bitchy, in which case you are probably just right.

10. I don't have very many squicks. I have a lot of weird kinks, and I am respectfully neutral of a whole lot more. I talk about incest and erotic asphyxiation and sex toys and bondage and underage and non-con and forced sex and threesomes and voyeurism and angst and fluff and second person and present tense and broken OTPs and genderfuck and crossdressing and whatever comes into my head. If I don't like something (*cough*Ray/Ray*cough*), I'll probably talk about that, too.

SO CUTE OMG

The new Coca Cola commercial? With the polar bears and penguins? Is kind of the best thing ever. I love it SO MUCH.

No, seriously.

The power of Coke products is so great it brings the North Pole and the South Pole TOGETHER! It is so great it allows us to see TINY ADORABLE BABY PENGUINS and TINY ADORABLE POLAR BEARS TOGETHER. Do you know where else you see that? NOWHERE, that's where!

I have seen this commercial a couple times now, and I will probably see it a few more? But I still squeaked out loud and poked speshope when they showed it before the trailers when we went to the movies this weekend.

(This is a cleverly disguised GIP. Check out my new holiday icon snagged from smartlikejustin.)