storytime with livia!!!!

[schmerica]

More late-night chat story shenanigans. Livia is making *me* post this, even though I don't do anything but giggle a lot and ask stupid questions. That is the sort of person she is.

erica: okay, it is your turn to entertain *me*.

livia: My head's not flat.

erica: hmm.
erica: Tell me a story!
erica: *settles in at Livia's feet*

livia: Okay, so once upon a time there was...
livia: a pirate.

erica: ooh!

livia: a SPACE pirate.

erica: ooooh.

erica: was he a bad pirate, or just misunderstood?

livia: Misunderstood.
livia: his name was Future Jack Sparrow.
livia: CAPTAIN Future Jack Sparrow.
livia: So, one day, Captain Future Jack Sparrow is sailing the Black Spacepearl through a nebula, and all of a sudden meteors start shooting past the ship!

erica: *gasp*

livia: So he's all "avast! Hard alee!" and stuff.

erica: Hee.

livia: And only due to his mad pirating skillz are they saved.
livia: So, they put in on an empty asteroid to make repairs.
livia: And Future Will, the engineer, is getting rid of all the meteors that got stuck in the side of the Spacepearl.
livia: And he finds a pod!
livia: With a baby inside.

erica: Awww!
erica: Baby!

livia: Now, Future Will is married to Future Elizabeth, but they have no babies. Which makes them sad.

erica: *is sad too*

livia: So, they decide to adopt the space baby!

erica: Yaaay!

livia: and they name him....
livia: Spaceboy Jack.

erica: hee.

livia: After their bestest friend and the person they occasionally have space-rum-fueled threesomes with.

erica: *nod*

livia: Jack is very honored to be Spaceboy Jack's godfather.

erica: *sniffle*

livia: Spaceboy Jack grows up to be tall and lean, and he can climb the space rigging like a monkey, and he wears a red and blue scarf around his forehead to keep his curly black hair out of his eyes.

erica: Hee. Monkey.

livia: Oh, and he has an earring.
livia: The crew of the Spacepearl has always kept an eye out for some clues as to where Spaceboy Jack came from, but they have never found anything.

erica: Aw. Poor Spaceboy Jack!

livia: So one day Spaceboy Jack is out on a supply run in his own personal little space cruiser that Will made for him.

erica: hee hee.

livia: He's going to a planet to pick up some more dilithium crystals or something. Wait, no. Their ship runs on GOLD.
livia: Arr, he be seeking gold.

erica: space gold?

livia: Well, regular gold.
livia: That's why he has to go to a planet to get some.

erica: Ah.

livia: So he goes to the planet, but something goes wrong, and he lands in this big flat area and there's this weird radiation messing with his ship's sensors, and he doesn't think there's any gold around here.
livia: Which is bad, because he needs some to power his ship so he can get back to the Spacepearl.
livia: So, he gets out of the ship and starts wandering around.
livia: Then he feels a blade at his throat!

erica: *gasp*

livia: "Who are you!?" demands a voice from the shadowy figure behind him.

erica: hee hee.
erica: I mean!
erica: *gasps some more*

livia: Spaceboy Jack knows he's impenetrable (but not like that) so he plays along to get some information.
livia: "I'm just a traveler!" he says.

erica: how does he have an earring if he's impenetrable?

livia: "I doubt that!" says the mystery guy. Who is, as Spaceboy Jack can feel through his leather trousers and thin cotton pirate-floofy-shirt, also very tall and muscular and really kind of warm.
livia: That was when he was littler.

erica: Oh.
erica: And more penetrable?

livia: Yes.

erica: Okay.

livia: Anyway, back to the story.

erica: mystery space warm guy!

livia: "You have snuck into the forbidden city, and you're on the emperor's sacred palace grounds! You are an intruder and must die!" says the stranger, and pushes Spaceboy Jack forward.
livia: Spaceboy Jack uses his space judo to flip him over his shoulder!

erica: hee hee.

livia: He sees a tall slim figure dressed entirely in black, holding a samurai sword.

erica: does he have a mask?

livia: "I'm Spaceboy Jack. I don't believe we've been introduced."
livia: yes.
livia: but piercing blue eyes that entrance and bedazzle.
livia: The mysterious ninja pauses, as if suddenly gaining respect for Jack.

erica: Oooh.

livia: "I am... Shadow Lex, the ninja bodyguard to the Emperor."
livia: Spaceboy Jack returns his bow.
livia: "Great, the Emperor is just who I want to talk to, it sounds like. I am an envoy from distant land, where ships sail the night sky and there are monsters beyond your ken."
livia: "And what do you seek with the Emperor?"

erica: *snicker*

livia: "I wish to trade for gold."

erica: gooooooold!

livia: Shadow Lex looks him up and down, eyeing his threadbare crotch... i mean pants. "And what would you trade?"

erica: heh.

livia: Spaceboy Jack gives him a smoldery kohl-enhanced stare.
livia: "I have treasure."
livia: "I'll bet you do."
livia: "So, can i talk to the Emperor? Really, you don't want to kill me, this is a great business opportunity for you."

erica: You really just like writing bad double entendres, don't you?

livia: Shadow Lex considers, then puts his sword away. "Tell me of your proposition. I have the Emperor's ear."
livia: Jack's all "I bet you do."
livia: (yes, I do.)

erica: heee.

livia: So they go to Shadow Lex's place, and Shadow Lex pulls off his mask, and yadda ya, Spaceboy Clark is stricken by desire! He's sooooo... smooth and dreamy.
livia: And he has a SCAR on his lip and it is TEH SEXAY.

erica: oooh.
erica: Spaceboy Clark?

livia: .... Whatever.

erica: *snicker*

livia: Do you want to hear the rest of this story?
erica: Sorry!
erica: *zips lip*

livia: So, they're sitting around and having sake, and maybe composing a haiku or two, full of double entendres.

erica: *nod*

livia: You know.... "It is good to meet / A new friend from space. Perhaps / later we will fuck."
livia: And they've pretty much worked out their trade agreement when all of a sudden another ninja bursts in! And he has ninja stars and he flings them at Shadow Lex!
livia: Spaceboy Jack dives in front of him and blocks the stars!
livia: Then another ninja comes in and kills the bad ninja.

erica: *dizzied by plot*

livia: The good ninja reaches down and pulls off the bad ninja's mask.

erica: *anticipatory*

livia: Shadow Lex looks all grim. "Lucas' ambition finally outstripped his... smartness."
livia: "Dumbass."
livia: "Thank you for your help, Chloe."
livia: Good Ninja bows. "Thank you, Emperor."

erica: *snicker*
erica: *gasp*

livia: Spaceboy Jack turns to look. "Wait a minute, you're the Emperor?"
livia: shadow lex looks sheepish.
livia: "Yes."

erica: hee.

livia: Chloe looks all peeved. "Stop sneaking out and playing ninja! It's hard for me to protect you, oh great one."
livia: Then she looks at Spaceboy. "You saved the Emperor. I owe you a debt of honor... Or a booty call. Your pick."

erica: hee hee.

livia: Spaceboy considers. "You honor me with your attention, oh tiny ninja one. However, I have a prior business commitment with the Emperor."
livia: Chloe looks sad.

erica: Awww.

livia: "Don't feel woe, Chloe!" says Emperor Lex. "I am a benevolent ruler and generous to my people."
livia: So they all have sex.
livia: In various combinations and/or positions, it's all very hot.

erica: Woohoo!
erica: (But it's her boss!)
erica: yay, hotness.

livia: Psssh, Chloe doesn't care.

erica: well, obviously.

livia: So then at the end, they load up Spaceboy Jack's ship with gold, and then on the way to the ship there's a demon attack, and they fight it off. And then they have sushi. And then Princess Lana, who's Lex's half sister, shows up and tells them that Lionel was the one who was trying to kill Lex all this time!

erica: Ooh, sushi.

livia: And Lex is all "Well, screw this. Does your spaceship need a ninja, Spaceboy Jack?"
livia: and Chloe is all "How about two ninjas?"

erica: Everybody needs a ninja!

livia: and Spaceboy Jack says "yes! There is room on my crew for all, and my parents are gonna love you guys."

erica: Is Lionel like the super emporor?

livia: Well, he's retired, but obviously, evil.

erica: Okay.

livia: Anyway. They get on the ship and go back to the Spacepearl, and live happily ever after.
livia: TEH END.

Comments

[spike21.livejournal.com]

*is in love*

Livia is pretty much the bestest. And you are like the ultimate story audience with the straight lines all handy-like.

erica: space gold?

livia: Well, regular gold.
livia: That's why he has to go to a planet to get some.

erica: Ah

*giggle*

[celli]

Awwww!

I like your stories. :)

[celli]

er, her stories. er, your (plural) stories. er...

I need caffeine.

[corinna-5.livejournal.com]

nub!

livia: So, they're sitting around and having sake, and maybe composing a haiku or two, full of double entendres.

erica: *nod*

livia: You know.... "It is good to meet / A new friend from space. Perhaps / later we will fuck."

I'm so sad I have to go to sleep early, and miss story hour. I'm so happy you posted.

"Retired, but obviously, evil," I may have to steal, though.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Heh. That was my favorite line, too.

I think it'd be funny if Lionel retired and suddenly *stopped* being evil. He could put all the energy into raising orchids instead. Or breeding prize show dogs.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

I was going to post something about it being dangerous to comment early in the morning, but then I realized my comment times were wacky and I had no idea when you actually had. So, uh. It's always dangerous to comment, I guess.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Livia scares me with her wacky skills, man. I just go along with her and try to make it so she has to keep going on.

[corinna-5.livejournal.com]

Hee! Actual conversation from my current WiP:

"I miss the day to day work of presiding over an empire," Lionel said reflectively. "The challenges. The conflicts. They always held my interest."

"You know, the house has a magnificent set of gardens. You might consider taking up horticulture."

"I *might*,” Lionel said sharply. "I could keep bees on the Sussex Downs as well, but it's hardly my style, don't you think?"

"On several levels, Dad."

Lex could almost see his father’s answering smirk.

(Keeping bees on the Sussex Downs is what Sherlock Holmes did in his retirement. The reference may be too obscure...)

[celli]

I think you're right. *g*

[buggery.livejournal.com]

Not at all too obscure. Very Lionel, if you ask me.