porn for ineke
27/7/04 22:31![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
schmericaLook, I wrote something that doesn't involve sleepy domesticity! (Seriously, I've started to write about sleep with a reverence I once saved for porn. Or like Ces writes about food!)
Um.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ineke wrote a threesome a little while back, and for the fic I promised her in return, she requested sex toys. So.
Thank you tonifra_idril for looking it over.
*****
The night after Ray bought his tickets for Chicago, Fraser asked if he could fuck him.
"Yeah," Ray said, before Fraser even got the words all the way out.
"I want to -- Would you let me--" Fraser started to say.
Ray sucked in a breath and said, "You can do whatever you want, Fraser," and Fraser looked at him for a long time with his wide dark eyes.
If he had let Fraser actually tell him what he wanted, it was possible Ray might have hesitated and thought it through a little more, but he doubted it. There probably wasn't anything Fraser could have come up with that Ray would have said no to.
"Tell me if they're too tight," Fraser said, letting go of the handcuffs. He kneeled up on the bed, settling back on his haunches, and Ray flexed his arms a little. His hands were spread over his head, held fast to the headboard, secure but not painful.
"Fine," Ray said, and Fraser nodded slowly and stood up off the bed. He'd stripped Ray down before he arranged him on the bed, but Fraser was still dressed -- it made Ray feel even nakeder, if that was possible, not just not wearing clothes but like Fraser had taken a layer of skin or something off him too.
Fraser took off his shirt and his pants, so it was just his undershirt and boxers, but Ray still felt just as exposed.
Fraser opened the drawer to the nightstand. "Lubricant," he said, taking it out of the drawer. "Condoms. Dildo." He set the items down one by one on top of the stand, and climbed back on the bed, kneeling at Ray's side.
"If you want to stop, you can just say so," Fraser said. His voice was soft and so was his hand along Ray's rib, but Ray knew better than that. Ray would *die* before he said stop; whether Fraser knew it or not -- and Fraser had to know it -- this was another test and Ray was going to prove to himself he could fucking win *one* of them.
"Sure," said Ray. "I'll let you know, okay?"
Fraser nodded once, and he moved his hand across Ray's side, down his belly, then took hold of Ray's cock. Fraser's hand was big and warm and strong, same as it had been every time before, stroking Ray up, slow and clever. Good slow, thorough slow, taking his time slow. Then Fraser's gaze drifted down away from Ray's face, down to his own hand, and then instead of slow and thorough he stopped.
"Hey--" Ray thrust up into Fraser's hand, trying for more contact, and it took him by surprise when the handcuffs dug into his wrists.
Fraser made a noise, soft enough Ray almost didn't hear. He leaned over and kissed Ray on the mouth, jacking him again, and Ray let himself relax some, trust Fraser knew what he was doing.
"This may feel odd," Fraser said breathlessly, searching something out in Ray's face -- Ray closed his eyes, nodded, threw his head back.
"Go for it."
Fraser let go of him. Ray drew up his knees and waited.
Fraser's mouth, first, on his cock, and god, Fraser sucked cock so sweet, as sweet as kissing or holding hands, except dirty, too, dirty and hot and good. Fraser's mouth and then there were Fraser's fingers, too, circling around his ass, slick and cool and weird.
"Fraser," Ray said, and then he bit his lip as Fraser's finger slipped inside.
One finger, slow slow slow, inside and out and then *in*, and his cock still in and out of Fraser's mouth -- two fingers and it hurt some but Ray wasn't about to stop -- three fingers and Fraser started brushing against something painfully good, and Fraser stopped sucking and Ray opened his eyes and stared into Fraser's.
Fraser looked flushed and turned-on and almost scared. "Are you ready, Ray?"
"Mmnnyeah," Ray mumbled, and he closed his eyes again.
Fraser's fingers felt weird leaving him, too, leaving him empty, but not for long.
"*Christ*," said Ray. "Fraser, that's--"
"Relax," Fraser said, and Ray took a deep breath and felt the dildo slip in.
Fraser kept one hand on Ray's dick, stroking him and keeping him hard. It was the only place he was touching Ray now, but it didn't feel like it -- it felt like Ray had nowhere left Fraser wasn't touching, nothing left but what Fraser had, nothing that wasn't right here.
Fraser had him everywhere, except Fraser had his hand on his dick and nothing else. Fraser was *fucking* him, opening him, doing everything to Ray he could do -- and he was still sitting there in his boxer shorts, like he was holding himself separate, like he was proving something to Ray or to himself or to both of them.
Ray bit his lip again. "You can do more," he said, "harder" and Fraser did more, did it harder, in and out and it didn't hurt anymore, no, it felt good, it felt a lot better than Ray had expected it to -- more than he had wanted, more than he needed, but that was always it, wasn't it? -- and Ray couldn't help moving, couldn't help writhing, feeling the metal of the cuffs against his hands and the slam of the bed beneath his hips.
"Fuck fuck *fuck*," Ray said grimly, and Fraser whispered his name and leaned over to kiss him while Ray came all over the place.
He opened his eyes a few seconds later, laying still and staring at the ceiling while Fraser first slowly took the dildo out of his ass and then uncuffed him. Fraser disappeared from the room, then, and Ray sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed, rubbing at his hands and staring down at them.
When he heard Fraser's footsteps coming back, he said down to the floor, "My plane for home leaves on Friday."
Fraser didn't say anything and after a while Ray looked over at him. Fraser was still in his undershirts and his boxers, now with a big wet spot, and his hair was messy and uneven and his face had a blank expression. He looked old and tired.
"I expected as much," Fraser said finally.
"Still needed to tell you."
Fraser seemed to hesitate, but he set his jaw and said, "You could stay."
Ray thought about it -- he did think about it, even though he'd been thinking about it for weeks now, months, before they even kissed, ever since he saw Fraser in the middle of nowhere with that huge fucking grin on his face -- Ray thought about it some more, but it didn't change any of the stuff he'd been thinking.
"No, I couldn't. I can't do it here, Fraser," Ray said, and it was the god's honest truth and Ray knew it, it was another test he'd failed.
Fraser didn't look surprised and he didn't look disappointed -- Fraser looked fucking *resigned*, and if there was anything around to hit, Ray would have been doing it now, but as it was, he just stood up.
"Fraser--" he said awkwardly, but when it was him and Stella he hadn't been able to think of anything to say there, and he didn't now, either.
Fraser just frowned and shook his head and turned away to stare out the window. Ray waited another minute and then he walked passed him, towards the shower.
Um.
ineke wrote a threesome a little while back, and for the fic I promised her in return, she requested sex toys. So.Thank you to
nifra_idril for looking it over.*****
The night after Ray bought his tickets for Chicago, Fraser asked if he could fuck him.
"Yeah," Ray said, before Fraser even got the words all the way out.
"I want to -- Would you let me--" Fraser started to say.
Ray sucked in a breath and said, "You can do whatever you want, Fraser," and Fraser looked at him for a long time with his wide dark eyes.
If he had let Fraser actually tell him what he wanted, it was possible Ray might have hesitated and thought it through a little more, but he doubted it. There probably wasn't anything Fraser could have come up with that Ray would have said no to.
"Tell me if they're too tight," Fraser said, letting go of the handcuffs. He kneeled up on the bed, settling back on his haunches, and Ray flexed his arms a little. His hands were spread over his head, held fast to the headboard, secure but not painful.
"Fine," Ray said, and Fraser nodded slowly and stood up off the bed. He'd stripped Ray down before he arranged him on the bed, but Fraser was still dressed -- it made Ray feel even nakeder, if that was possible, not just not wearing clothes but like Fraser had taken a layer of skin or something off him too.
Fraser took off his shirt and his pants, so it was just his undershirt and boxers, but Ray still felt just as exposed.
Fraser opened the drawer to the nightstand. "Lubricant," he said, taking it out of the drawer. "Condoms. Dildo." He set the items down one by one on top of the stand, and climbed back on the bed, kneeling at Ray's side.
"If you want to stop, you can just say so," Fraser said. His voice was soft and so was his hand along Ray's rib, but Ray knew better than that. Ray would *die* before he said stop; whether Fraser knew it or not -- and Fraser had to know it -- this was another test and Ray was going to prove to himself he could fucking win *one* of them.
"Sure," said Ray. "I'll let you know, okay?"
Fraser nodded once, and he moved his hand across Ray's side, down his belly, then took hold of Ray's cock. Fraser's hand was big and warm and strong, same as it had been every time before, stroking Ray up, slow and clever. Good slow, thorough slow, taking his time slow. Then Fraser's gaze drifted down away from Ray's face, down to his own hand, and then instead of slow and thorough he stopped.
"Hey--" Ray thrust up into Fraser's hand, trying for more contact, and it took him by surprise when the handcuffs dug into his wrists.
Fraser made a noise, soft enough Ray almost didn't hear. He leaned over and kissed Ray on the mouth, jacking him again, and Ray let himself relax some, trust Fraser knew what he was doing.
"This may feel odd," Fraser said breathlessly, searching something out in Ray's face -- Ray closed his eyes, nodded, threw his head back.
"Go for it."
Fraser let go of him. Ray drew up his knees and waited.
Fraser's mouth, first, on his cock, and god, Fraser sucked cock so sweet, as sweet as kissing or holding hands, except dirty, too, dirty and hot and good. Fraser's mouth and then there were Fraser's fingers, too, circling around his ass, slick and cool and weird.
"Fraser," Ray said, and then he bit his lip as Fraser's finger slipped inside.
One finger, slow slow slow, inside and out and then *in*, and his cock still in and out of Fraser's mouth -- two fingers and it hurt some but Ray wasn't about to stop -- three fingers and Fraser started brushing against something painfully good, and Fraser stopped sucking and Ray opened his eyes and stared into Fraser's.
Fraser looked flushed and turned-on and almost scared. "Are you ready, Ray?"
"Mmnnyeah," Ray mumbled, and he closed his eyes again.
Fraser's fingers felt weird leaving him, too, leaving him empty, but not for long.
"*Christ*," said Ray. "Fraser, that's--"
"Relax," Fraser said, and Ray took a deep breath and felt the dildo slip in.
Fraser kept one hand on Ray's dick, stroking him and keeping him hard. It was the only place he was touching Ray now, but it didn't feel like it -- it felt like Ray had nowhere left Fraser wasn't touching, nothing left but what Fraser had, nothing that wasn't right here.
Fraser had him everywhere, except Fraser had his hand on his dick and nothing else. Fraser was *fucking* him, opening him, doing everything to Ray he could do -- and he was still sitting there in his boxer shorts, like he was holding himself separate, like he was proving something to Ray or to himself or to both of them.
Ray bit his lip again. "You can do more," he said, "harder" and Fraser did more, did it harder, in and out and it didn't hurt anymore, no, it felt good, it felt a lot better than Ray had expected it to -- more than he had wanted, more than he needed, but that was always it, wasn't it? -- and Ray couldn't help moving, couldn't help writhing, feeling the metal of the cuffs against his hands and the slam of the bed beneath his hips.
"Fuck fuck *fuck*," Ray said grimly, and Fraser whispered his name and leaned over to kiss him while Ray came all over the place.
He opened his eyes a few seconds later, laying still and staring at the ceiling while Fraser first slowly took the dildo out of his ass and then uncuffed him. Fraser disappeared from the room, then, and Ray sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed, rubbing at his hands and staring down at them.
When he heard Fraser's footsteps coming back, he said down to the floor, "My plane for home leaves on Friday."
Fraser didn't say anything and after a while Ray looked over at him. Fraser was still in his undershirts and his boxers, now with a big wet spot, and his hair was messy and uneven and his face had a blank expression. He looked old and tired.
"I expected as much," Fraser said finally.
"Still needed to tell you."
Fraser seemed to hesitate, but he set his jaw and said, "You could stay."
Ray thought about it -- he did think about it, even though he'd been thinking about it for weeks now, months, before they even kissed, ever since he saw Fraser in the middle of nowhere with that huge fucking grin on his face -- Ray thought about it some more, but it didn't change any of the stuff he'd been thinking.
"No, I couldn't. I can't do it here, Fraser," Ray said, and it was the god's honest truth and Ray knew it, it was another test he'd failed.
Fraser didn't look surprised and he didn't look disappointed -- Fraser looked fucking *resigned*, and if there was anything around to hit, Ray would have been doing it now, but as it was, he just stood up.
"Fraser--" he said awkwardly, but when it was him and Stella he hadn't been able to think of anything to say there, and he didn't now, either.
Fraser just frowned and shook his head and turned away to stare out the window. Ray waited another minute and then he walked passed him, towards the shower.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
28/7/04 00:42 (UTC)Fraser didn't look surprised and he didn't look disappointed -- Fraser looked fucking *resigned*, and if there was anything around to hit, Ray would have been doing it now, but as it was, he just stood up.
It's sad, but it's real, and that? Just totally sucks. (Sorry, too late [or is it early?] for coherent feedback).
[hugs Fraser]
(no subject)
28/7/04 04:40 (UTC)I feel like I just slammed my brain in the car door.
Wonderful job of really loaded sex. Although I kind of want to kick Fraser *and* hug them both.
(no subject)
28/7/04 05:46 (UTC)Geez, you're *mean*! Here I am, all, wow! Yay! Porn! Happy, happy, toys, sex, mmm, guh, yay! oh...uh oh...wait a minute...
Heeeeeeey! This is SAD! Dammit, pearl!
*g*
Wonderful story, honey.
*smooooooch*
(no subject)
28/7/04 05:53 (UTC)(no subject)
28/7/04 06:50 (UTC)(no subject)
28/7/04 10:56 (UTC)And then it goes on: And Ray stood in the shower, thinking, *thinking*, and opened the curtain -- who gave a *fuck* about the floor? -- and ran in and grabbed Fraser, peeled him out of those damp and messy shorts, peeled him as naked and wanting as he'd been, just a few minutes before. And Fraser just looked startled, and raised his hand, let it hang, let it fall. Ray's heart turned over, and he grabbed Fraser's face, pulled him close, kissed him hard and wet and hurting, hurting just the way it hurt inside.
"Come back with me," he mumbled into Fraser's mouth, lips and cheeks wet. "We'll do vacations, every holiday we can up here. Just... come back."
And Fraser's lips slid across his wet cheeks and Ray's arms tightened.
"Yes."
Okay, I'm sorry. ::sniffle:: But I couldn't leave it that way...
::wail::
(no subject)
28/7/04 11:16 (UTC)I love your soft, mushy heart to distraction!!!
::snogs Carla in the shower::
(no subject)
28/7/04 11:37 (UTC)(no subject)
28/7/04 13:55 (UTC)I loved this:
Fraser sucked cock so sweet, as sweet as kissing or holding hands, except dirty, too, dirty and hot and good.
I can see it going on, too, but not the way Carla took it -- going on in a way where Ray goes back to Chicago and discovers he's got a yen for this. Only the emptiness of getting fucked by a stranger is just emptiness -- there's no connection because they're strangers, not because a connection is being actively denied to him. So that eventually the only person who can re-create the experience would have to be Stella.
Jeez. I just made it grimmer yet, didn't I.
(no subject)
28/7/04 14:17 (UTC)::loves on Carla::
::sends P an 'attagirl' for a beautiful, yet sad fic::
(no subject)
28/7/04 14:37 (UTC)"Fraser--" he said awkwardly, but when it was him and Stella he hadn't been able to think of anything to say there, and he didn't now, either.
Just even more ouchy and wonderful. Rip me to shreds and scatter the bits.
(no subject)
28/7/04 19:03 (UTC)I can see it going on, too, but not the way Carla took it -- going on in a way where Ray goes back to Chicago and discovers he's got a yen for this. Only the emptiness of getting fucked by a stranger is just emptiness -- there's no connection because they're strangers, not because a connection is being actively denied to him. So that eventually the only person who can re-create the experience would have to be Stella.
Jeez. I just made it grimmer yet, didn't I.
Well, yeah, you did, but -- dude. Wow. I think you just killed me, actually, because -- man.
(no subject)
28/7/04 19:04 (UTC)(no subject)
28/7/04 19:06 (UTC)I'm not mean! I'm, um. Hey, shut up, okay?!
*runs away*
(no subject)
28/7/04 19:06 (UTC)(no subject)
28/7/04 19:07 (UTC)(no subject)
28/7/04 19:09 (UTC)(no subject)
28/7/04 19:09 (UTC)(no subject)
28/7/04 19:09 (UTC)(no subject)
28/7/04 19:10 (UTC)(no subject)
28/7/04 19:11 (UTC)(no subject)
29/7/04 04:14 (UTC)And oh, ouch. This was hot, but... yeah. The image is so clear, but for once, it's a clarity that I almost wish had been muddled a bit with some hope of a happy ending *wry*. I can see it perfectly. Ray, being fucked by Fraser... but Fraser's barely touching him, just sitting at arms length in his boxers. Like he's holding himself separate -- because, oh yeah, that's perfect; that's exactly Fraser-in-pain. And afterwards. Clinical and detached and painful and flat like reality, man.
I think you outdid me in the pain stakes, dude *g*.
(no subject)
29/7/04 04:17 (UTC)(no subject)
29/7/04 08:22 (UTC)::sound of my heart breaking::
sniff
(no subject)
29/7/04 10:05 (UTC)Just--
Ray would *die* before he said stop; whether Fraser knew it or not -- and Fraser had to know it -- this was another test and Ray was going to prove to himself he could fucking win *one* of them.
and
it felt like Ray had nowhere left Fraser wasn't touching, nothing left but what Fraser had, nothing that wasn't right here.
Beautiful, agony and ecstasy together.
(no subject)
29/7/04 10:18 (UTC)(no subject)
29/7/04 16:58 (UTC)But, um. I'm glad it worked for you. Yay.
(And tags are bitches.)
(no subject)
29/7/04 16:59 (UTC)(no subject)
29/7/04 16:59 (UTC)(no subject)
29/7/04 16:59 (UTC)(no subject)
5/8/04 05:45 (UTC)Ray sucked in a breath and said, "You can do whatever you want, Fraser," and Fraser looked at him for a long time with his wide dark eyes.
I took a deep breath, too, and knew this couldn't end well. This is Ray cutting himself wide open.
"Hey--" Ray thrust up into Fraser's hand, trying for more contact, and it took him by surprise when the handcuffs dug into his wrists.
He wants it too bad to not want it, if that makes any sense, and the fact that he forgets the handcuffs, even, made my heart hurt.
This is perfect, the perfect description of sexy, fucked-up Fraser:
Fraser's mouth, first, on his cock, and god, Fraser sucked cock so sweet, as sweet as kissing or holding hands, except dirty, too, dirty and hot and good.
I love that a lot, that's one of my favorite descriptions ever.
"Fuck fuck *fuck*," Ray said grimly, and Fraser whispered his name and leaned over to kiss him while Ray came all over the place.
It's just so fucking sad, it's so fucking possible, how they just won't work together, can't, and wow. Major, heart-rending woobie - but I loved it, still. And you, still. *smooches*
(no subject)
5/8/04 17:10 (UTC)Although, I want to make it clear that this:
It's just so fucking sad, it's so fucking possible, how they just won't work together, can't, and wow. Major, heart-rending woobie - but I loved it, still. And you, still. *smooches*
is NOT an excuse to write more Ray/Ray. It can work! Shut up! *eyes you carefully*