birthday; break-up

[schmerica]

Today is the birthday of grrleloquence, one of my favorite online people. Only she's probably not reading this, because she hasn't posted in her lj or been on AIM to chat for months and months. But on the offchance: I miss you (and all your popslash pimping) terribly, and I hope you have a wonderful year, my darling.

Also, another stupid meme. Because this weekend is eating my soul. Gakked from witchqueen, I believe.

The break-up meme:

Pretend we're dating.
Please write a fake break-up letter to me.
Include whatever fake excuses you want in it.

Comments

The break-up meme

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Dear Cathy Monica Tanya

I am Beth's sister best friend mother, and I am sorry to inform you that she has staged a fake internet suicide contracted a fake internet terminal illness had to move to the jungles of Peru for the next ten years. She feels it wouldn't be fair to keep you waiting, and so has asked me to write to you so that you can begin to mend your sure-to-be-broken heart.

Sincerely yours,
-Beth's mother

[moireach.livejournal.com]

Look. I'm sorry, but this just isn't working for me. When we started going out it was all Firefly this, River that, and it was hot. But now all you do is talk about these Fraser and Ray people and who ARE they? Are you seeing them behind my back? It's just not cool, dude.

Also, I'm thinking of becoming a nun. Or a Jedi.

But seriously, let's stay friends. I mean it.

;)

[estrella30.livejournal.com]

Dear pearl,

I'm really sorry to tell you this, but honestly? I was only in this relationship for the Raven Sunset locks. Since you've dyed it...well...I'm sorry. It's not you - it's the color of your hair.

Please - stop glomping me. You're only making it harder for everyone involved.

-estrella

[foreverdirt.livejournal.com]

Dear Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss/Dr/other* (*delete as applicable) pearl_o,

Thank you once again for your loyal interest in "No Shotguns Required", the best-selling mail-order bride catalogue for the discerning customer.

Unfortunately, the situation has not changed since the last seven times you wrote to us, and we must continue to regret to inform you that the foreverdirt model (service code 211673) is no longer available for shipping, due to a faulty "It's not you, it's me" chip that led to product recall six months ago.

Thank you again for your interest in our products. Please accept the $10 discount voucher enclosed in this letter as a token of our appreciation for your valued custom.

Yours sincerely,

Jessica Smythe-Barron

Customer Relations

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Oooh. You could become a Jedi nun! That would give me a good story to tell people about my ex-girlfriend, you know.

And ... I still love River! I do! Look, we never said this thing was going to be monogamous.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

*sniffles* The discount voucher helps me get through the heartbreak, at least.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

I see how it is. I had no idea you were so shallow, but, sure, fine.

Glomping will cease immediately. Just don't expect any more smooching or snugs from me, either.

Re: The break-up meme

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

So ... is Beth's sister best friend mother the same person who's keeping up the posting in her lj?

Re: The break-up meme

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Oh, you must be thinking of bethbeth or bethbethbeth, not beth.

-yours,
Mother of triplets

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

I can't do it!

I heart you too much!

*frowns; bites lip; looks determined*

I will just have to try harder.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Awwww, it's okay. I'm not sure how I would deal, anyway. *snugs you close*