girlfriends

[schmerica]

I once spent, like, several months thinking one of my cousins across the country was in a romantic relationship with her best friend. The several month mark was when it dawned on me that my grandmother uses the word "girlfriend" in a totally different context than I do. (Plus, you know, that she wouldn't mention lesbianism all that casually.)

My parents both do this, too, I think; I think I remember them describing sprkid as "one of Erica's girlfriends" when we were both much younger, and not in any way intending it in the way it comes out sounding to me. I associate the usage with them, with their friends, aunts and uncles and people of my grandparents' generation.

It would never occur to me to use the phrase "girlfriends" to describe platonic bonds between women or girls, anymore than I would use "boyfriends" for the equivalent with males. It's not so much a shift between generations than a shift in culture in general, I think; the age-link is just a matter of where that shift in culture is.

This procastination was brought to you by one sentence in my rough draft.

Comments

[ladysorka]

My mother calls all her friends "girlfriends". She'll say things like "And I was out with my girlfriend..." which is really quite disconcerting.

But, yeah, it's definitely not a usage I would ever consider using.

[qe2.livejournal.com]

IME, this particular usage also has regional roots, and possibly socioeconomic-class ones: the people I've heard use the word that way have been either Southern or working-class Boston in origin.

[china_shop]

It's an inconvenient usage when you're trying to come out. I remember once, when I started a new job, mentioning my girlfriend to the person sitting next to me, and she kept correcting me: "your flatmate" (aka roommate). I was like, "No. My girlfriend."

"Ex-girlfriend" is far more obviously (ex-)romantic. :)

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Huh, yeah? My extended family is all from the mid-Atlantic region -- Pennsylvania and a little into New York -- and I associate it most strongly with them, just because (obviously) I hear it more with them.

[ladysorka]

Hmm, really? My mother grew up in Minnesota, and she uses it all the time.

[raincitygirl.livejournal.com]

Snicker. Yeah, I can see how that would be awkward. Mind you, correcting you could be your co-worker subconsciously being uneasy with the information with which she was being presented, and trying to push you back *in* the closet.

BTW, love, love, love the icon.

[qe2.livejournal.com]

The roots are nonexclusive - i.e., the tree grows in many places. Including, clearly, PA and MN - although it's possible (depending on facts of which I'm not [yet] aware) that the class and regional roots I IDd in my original comment pertain there, too, depending on where your family and pearl_o's are from. It's also possible that class trumps origin.

/speculation OFF

[holyschist.livejournal.com]

My issue with it is that people never say "boyfriends" platonically. Which implies that a friend is male by default, and if a friend is female, that must be specified.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I dunno. But I don't like the usage (hell, I'm not too fond of the romantic usage, either).

[qe2.livejournal.com]

See my response to ladysorka below. Any idea where your family came from prior to moving to the mid-Atlantic area? A family unit - however widespread - will often retain particularized verbal patterns synchronous with their background but incongruous within their current context.

On an entirely different note: Ces was looking for you on discourse. As was I, indeed.

[china_shop]

correcting you could be your co-worker subconsciously being uneasy with the information with which she was being presented

There was an element of that, I'm sure. I'd just come from a very open and accepting workplace, so I was determined to be out. Besides, I'd mentioned my involvement in the local bi group on my resume -- it wasn't like I was keeping any secrets. :)

Once they got used to it, they were all very nice, and even gave us a present for our commitment ceremony. :)

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Central and Eastern Europe, mostly -- which I think adds more to the class aspect you're touching on.

hee.

[qe2.livejournal.com]

Precisely why I don't use the word - or "boyfriend", either. The alternatives are frustratingly lousy - lover? TMI. partner? too corporate. POSSLQ? too het, and also too censusian - leading to the necessity to use awkward body language and well-nigh meaningless nothings: "This is my. Um. You know. FRIEND."

Re: hee.

[china_shop]

girl_clone said "boything" on my LJ the other day, which I thought was great.

I say partner, the boy, or boyfriend, depending on context. Usually partner, though, because I like gender neutrality.

Re: hee.

[qe2.livejournal.com]

I use "partner" myself, in the thus far regrettably infrequent periods in my life during which I've had occasion to do so, for precisely the reason you articulate. Assumptions are dangerous, after all ;-).

I do get the odd "partner in what?" look, but it's generally worth it.

I've noticed that the US media has begun to partner-differentiate: "partner" by itself is likely to indicate a life partner, with a modifier inserted - "business partner", "producing partner" - when the relationship is platonic. I appreciate the fact that in this single area, the gender-neutral/inclusive is setting the standard.

[qe2.livejournal.com]

Seems likely. Beyond that, your word's good for me :-).

(In case it's unclear, I do not subscribe to any of the available "lower socioeconomic class = automatically less worthy/interesting/valuable" tropes, primarily because they're. um. how to put this. Bullshit.)

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

(In case it's unclear, I do not subscribe to any of the available "lower socioeconomic class = automatically less worthy/interesting/valuable" tropes, primarily because they're. um. how to put this. Bullshit.)

Actually, it wouldn't have occurred to me to assume the other way for you, really.

And why were you guys looking for me on discourse? When I checked on irc earlier, I didn't go in because it looked mostly empty, but I've been on yahoo and aim all evening.

[harriet-spy.livejournal.com]

This is still quite a common usage among black Americans, at least Northern ones. UPN actually has a show called "Girlfriends" on right now that isn't the downmarket equivalent of "The L Word."

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

That is indeed a good point. I'm not sure exactly my immediate associations tend to be middle-aged-or-older white women, other than just the obivous personal experience.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

See, the reason that same thing annoys me has more to do with "boyfriend" being sexual by default -- that is, the assumption of male as innately sexual and girls as innately *not* without the boy attached.

[miss-pryss.livejournal.com]

True 'nuff. I picked up both "girlfriend" and "Auntie" (as opposed to Aunt) when I moved to downtown Detroit as a kid and started attending public school.

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

MD kept referring to my girlfriends until sometime around when I came out to her.

Now they're all just my friends.

*twirls you*

[harriet-spy.livejournal.com]

*eyes you* When and where did you attend public school in Detroit???

[holyschist.livejournal.com]

Yes, there's that, too. Two double standards!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

*snickers*

[miss-pryss.livejournal.com]

Well, I didn't start public school till high school, and then I went to Cass Tech, from 94 to 98. Are you a Detroiter? Where'd you go to school?

[harriet-spy.livejournal.com]

Well, if you remember going to Cass with another white boy or girl, that was probably either my brother ('96?) or my sister ('95?). I know those were big classes, though.