Why I am not an easy person to be friends with, reason #943

[schmerica]

pearl_o: Although now I am imagining Frank fucking Gerard with a poolstick, so it's not all bad.
bexless: ....yes, that is exactly the most horrifying thing you could have said.

Context would only sully the perfection of the moment, I feel.

Comments

[valmontheights.livejournal.com]

splinters, ouch.

Ummm....yeah.

[neery.livejournal.com]

Poolsticks are really smooth and polished, though, I doubt splinters are all that likely.

...not that this makes it much less wrong.

[valmontheights.livejournal.com]

Yes, now that you've mentioned it. Perhaps I'm bothered by the...pointiness.


...can't believe we're actually discussing this.

[neery.livejournal.com]

They're not pointier than a finger!

I can't believe I'm even thinking about it.

[speshope.livejournal.com]

And the end that's not chalky, which is the end I hope we are dealing with, is actually rather rounded.

My big hang up is how many people touch pool cues. Perhaps this hypothetical pool cue is a privately owned pool cue. Or, um, they have clorox wipes?

[neery.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure which end we're dealing with! One end is chalky and pointy, and the other end is pretty damn big. Neither of the ends of a pool cue are really that ideal for those purposes. pearl_o, please clarify your weird fantasy, since this whole discussion is ALL YOUR FAULT, anyway.

I think maybe you shouldn't put clorox on something that's going near sensitive skin? Probably clorox is worse for your ass than germs would be. Also, I HOPE it would be a privately owned cue in this case! Using other people's properties as sex toys is just not on.

...There is NOTHING right about this discussion. *hides*

[bexless.livejournal.com]

LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

[dsudis.livejournal.com]

I believe the technical term is pool cue.

[barely-bean.livejournal.com]

pearl-o, step away from the memoirs.

[thesamefire.livejournal.com]

that was actually my first thought!

... I SWEAR I USED TO HAVE LINES.

[sinsense.livejournal.com]

Okay, story: on my senior prom night, we went on a porn excursion. We finally found this really disgusting porn that included a story about a girl -- you guessed it -- fucking herself with a pool cue. Her genitalia was referred to as a "spooge pocket" at one point, and it has remained the most hilarious thing in my life ever since.

OH ALSO: the girl!Bert story is 1600 words and growing. Do you want me to just email it to you? Or should I post it to my journal under a lock? Ugh. My shame is so epic. Make my decisions for me, is what I mean. :D

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

It was only after I posted that I realized the fatal flaw in my plan was that peaople might actually think I liked the idea of Frank fucking Gerard with a pool cue.

D:

[go-gentle.livejournal.com]

I am....oddly nor horrified by that. I am, however, a little horrified that I am not horrified, if that makes sense.

[mercurybard.livejournal.com]

A brand new, fresh out of the plastic pool cue?

[mercurybard.livejournal.com]

Only to fellow fangirls.

[mercurybard.livejournal.com]

I wonder what kind of rugburn the felt on a pool table top would leave on Frank's ass.

[rilee16.livejournal.com]

and the other end is pretty damn big.

O.o

You mean *thick*? Because no, it's not, I've got a vibe that's meant to be small and easily hidden in a pocket or purse that's thicker than the handle-end of most pool cues, and either way a dick is much thicker than a pool cue anyway.

The entire cue itself is *long*, but many of them are actually two individual pieces that screw together in the middle, meaning that if you were to try to fuck someone with the thicker end all you'd need to do to make it less awkward is take the cue apart, hold the end that screws to the other half, and lube the other end. Bend partner over the pool table and you're ready to go. ::hasn't actually done it herself, but has friends with no boundaries::

[ubixtiz.livejournal.com]

Could one use a condom over the pool cue? Because a well-lubricated condom would make my mind easier both on the subject of splinters and on that of sanitation. Plus I don't know how well a naked cue would take lubrication -- would the wood absorb it? And if it's a polished finish, what sort of chemicals are in it?

[speshope.livejournal.com]

I think a condom is definitely a wise course of action.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

CARO. I love that the mere hint of a reference to them is totally still a siren call to you!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

SPOOGE POCKET. Oh man, I cannot even deal.

[barely-bean.livejournal.com]

Some things you don't forget. No matter how much you try.