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schmericaway out in the water, see it swimming
by Pearl-o
X-men: First Class, Erik/Charles, R. ~1000 words. Mutant recruitment roadtrip, internalized homophobia. Thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pocky_slash for looking this over.
Written forcesare, for the prompt "pretending to be married/together."
Summary: "We were about to lose her completely, and then suddenly she changed her mind and agreed to meet with us again tomorrow. Obviously the two of you were having some sort of conversation I wasn't privy to."
*****
Erik waited to speak until they were alone again, in the privacy of the hotel room once more.
"What did you say to that one?" he said abruptly, as he closed the door behind them.
"What do you mean?" Charles said.
"She was obviously suspicious of us," Erik said impatiently. "We were about to lose her completely, and then suddenly she changed her mind and agreed to meet with us again tomorrow. Clearly the two of you were having some sort of conversation I wasn't privy to."
Charles exhaled loudly, sitting down on the edge of one of the beds. "She was scared and intimidated, Erik. I wanted to let her know she could trust us."
"Of course she can trust us," Erik said. He leaned back against the door, arms crossed against his chest. If he could take this step, to work with the government if needed, then he couldn't understand why so many of these others hesitated so. There was such a bigger picture at stake. "We're all mutants, aren't we?"
"Mutation isn't the only thing people fear about themselves," Charles said - unnecessarily opaquely, in Erik's opinion.
He frowned at Charles. "What changed her mind, then?"
Charles raised his eyes to the ceiling. "I ... shared something else about myself. To let her know she wasn't alone."
"What did you tell her about me?" Erik said, after another moment, and Charles glanced his way, almost shyly.
"I didn't tell her anything about you, my friend. I would never share your secrets without your permission, you know that. Although I'm afraid she might have assumed..."
Charles trailed off, apparently having no urge to finish the sentence.
"Charles?"
"She believes that you and I are together."
"We told her as much," Erik said.
Charles sighed. "She believes you and I are involved in a homosexual love affair."
Erik was struck silent.
Charles continued: "I didn't correct her mistake. She had lowered her guard, and I didn't feel that an extended explanation of where her assumptions had led her astray was necessarily in our best interest at that point. It would simply have muddied the issue."
"She was intimidated by us because she was a homosexual," Erik said slowly. "And so you told her you were a homosexual as well."
Charles's answer was a shrug. He was not looking directly at Erik. There was color spreading high on his cheeks, but Erik couldn't tell whether it was embarrassment, anger, or some other emotion calling it forth.
"Are you a homosexual?" Erik said.
"Not exactly." Charles looked straight at Erik now; there was a shade of challenge in his eyes. "I enjoy the company of men at times, yes. At other times I enjoy the company of women. Is that a problem for you?" His accent had become stronger, upper-class and posh, almost icy. Just the way he knew Erik hated most.
Charles had been inside Erik's head before - he had said he knew everything about him. Surely he had seen those memories as well, when he had made his way through Erik's psyche. They had certainly not been far from the surface, as hard as he tried to avoid thinking of them, not when every look Charles had given him those first days had reminded him. Dark, dank rooms, quick and sordid beyond anything (a hand on his cock, a mouth, sometimes a man's ass). Over quickly, and then Erik left again. He always felt sick afterwards. He buried those desires within him. There were things he shouldn't want.
It shouldn't surprise him that Charles was so unashamed of it. It didn't, really. Of course he wasn't. He was Charles. When had Charles the slightest doubts about anything?
"No," Erik said. He didn't break eye contact with Charles as he spoke. "That won't be a problem."
"Good."
A flash of something in Charles's eyes - again, Erik couldn't identify it, and it was that final straw that overflowed the irritation within him.
"I'm going for a walk," Erik said, barely catching Charles's nod of acknowledgement before he turned away, concentrating on using his powers to undo the door lock once more.
He thought he could feel Charles's eyes upon him still, even after the door and walls stood between them, even as the distance between them increased with every step Erik took. Of course it wasn't so, but it might as well have been, Erik thought. The physical limitations made no difference, not when Charles's mental abilities had no such boundaries. He was just as aware of Erik, standing here in the street, as he would be with Erik right beside him.
Charles knows everything about me, Erik thought. Charles never said a word. How unfair, for him to keep such secrets from Erik, in such circumstances. Almost as unfair as how nauseated Erik felt now, without a single moment of pleasure behind him to show for it.
There was an anger rising in him, strong enough that he could feel his lighter and change rattling around in his pocket, feel the shakiness of the streetlamp poles as he walked passed them, all without any conscious effort on Erik's part to manipulate them. He knew himself just well enough to recognize that his anger was not really toward Charles, though not well enough to know where precisely it was aimed.
He wouldn't say anything tomorrow, he decided. He'd go along with Charles's charade. If they succeeded, they would have one more recruit in their mission. That was the most important thing, after all. That was what all of this was for, however much Erik might have let his focus waver in the past few weeks.
And if it didn't succeeded, what did it matter, anyway? It did not matter at all. Erik had stopped caring what others thought of him long ago; the opinion of a single girl was nothing.
As for Charles - nothing would change there, either. It couldn't. Erik was sure of it - or, at least, as sure as he was of anything when it came to Charles's mind, quick and unpredictable and brilliant as it remained to Erik even now as they grew more and more familiar to each other, still a surprise as much as a comfort every time.
by Pearl-o
X-men: First Class, Erik/Charles, R. ~1000 words. Mutant recruitment roadtrip, internalized homophobia. Thanks to
pocky_slash for looking this over.Written for
cesare, for the prompt "pretending to be married/together."Summary: "We were about to lose her completely, and then suddenly she changed her mind and agreed to meet with us again tomorrow. Obviously the two of you were having some sort of conversation I wasn't privy to."
*****
Erik waited to speak until they were alone again, in the privacy of the hotel room once more.
"What did you say to that one?" he said abruptly, as he closed the door behind them.
"What do you mean?" Charles said.
"She was obviously suspicious of us," Erik said impatiently. "We were about to lose her completely, and then suddenly she changed her mind and agreed to meet with us again tomorrow. Clearly the two of you were having some sort of conversation I wasn't privy to."
Charles exhaled loudly, sitting down on the edge of one of the beds. "She was scared and intimidated, Erik. I wanted to let her know she could trust us."
"Of course she can trust us," Erik said. He leaned back against the door, arms crossed against his chest. If he could take this step, to work with the government if needed, then he couldn't understand why so many of these others hesitated so. There was such a bigger picture at stake. "We're all mutants, aren't we?"
"Mutation isn't the only thing people fear about themselves," Charles said - unnecessarily opaquely, in Erik's opinion.
He frowned at Charles. "What changed her mind, then?"
Charles raised his eyes to the ceiling. "I ... shared something else about myself. To let her know she wasn't alone."
"What did you tell her about me?" Erik said, after another moment, and Charles glanced his way, almost shyly.
"I didn't tell her anything about you, my friend. I would never share your secrets without your permission, you know that. Although I'm afraid she might have assumed..."
Charles trailed off, apparently having no urge to finish the sentence.
"Charles?"
"She believes that you and I are together."
"We told her as much," Erik said.
Charles sighed. "She believes you and I are involved in a homosexual love affair."
Erik was struck silent.
Charles continued: "I didn't correct her mistake. She had lowered her guard, and I didn't feel that an extended explanation of where her assumptions had led her astray was necessarily in our best interest at that point. It would simply have muddied the issue."
"She was intimidated by us because she was a homosexual," Erik said slowly. "And so you told her you were a homosexual as well."
Charles's answer was a shrug. He was not looking directly at Erik. There was color spreading high on his cheeks, but Erik couldn't tell whether it was embarrassment, anger, or some other emotion calling it forth.
"Are you a homosexual?" Erik said.
"Not exactly." Charles looked straight at Erik now; there was a shade of challenge in his eyes. "I enjoy the company of men at times, yes. At other times I enjoy the company of women. Is that a problem for you?" His accent had become stronger, upper-class and posh, almost icy. Just the way he knew Erik hated most.
Charles had been inside Erik's head before - he had said he knew everything about him. Surely he had seen those memories as well, when he had made his way through Erik's psyche. They had certainly not been far from the surface, as hard as he tried to avoid thinking of them, not when every look Charles had given him those first days had reminded him. Dark, dank rooms, quick and sordid beyond anything (a hand on his cock, a mouth, sometimes a man's ass). Over quickly, and then Erik left again. He always felt sick afterwards. He buried those desires within him. There were things he shouldn't want.
It shouldn't surprise him that Charles was so unashamed of it. It didn't, really. Of course he wasn't. He was Charles. When had Charles the slightest doubts about anything?
"No," Erik said. He didn't break eye contact with Charles as he spoke. "That won't be a problem."
"Good."
A flash of something in Charles's eyes - again, Erik couldn't identify it, and it was that final straw that overflowed the irritation within him.
"I'm going for a walk," Erik said, barely catching Charles's nod of acknowledgement before he turned away, concentrating on using his powers to undo the door lock once more.
He thought he could feel Charles's eyes upon him still, even after the door and walls stood between them, even as the distance between them increased with every step Erik took. Of course it wasn't so, but it might as well have been, Erik thought. The physical limitations made no difference, not when Charles's mental abilities had no such boundaries. He was just as aware of Erik, standing here in the street, as he would be with Erik right beside him.
Charles knows everything about me, Erik thought. Charles never said a word. How unfair, for him to keep such secrets from Erik, in such circumstances. Almost as unfair as how nauseated Erik felt now, without a single moment of pleasure behind him to show for it.
There was an anger rising in him, strong enough that he could feel his lighter and change rattling around in his pocket, feel the shakiness of the streetlamp poles as he walked passed them, all without any conscious effort on Erik's part to manipulate them. He knew himself just well enough to recognize that his anger was not really toward Charles, though not well enough to know where precisely it was aimed.
He wouldn't say anything tomorrow, he decided. He'd go along with Charles's charade. If they succeeded, they would have one more recruit in their mission. That was the most important thing, after all. That was what all of this was for, however much Erik might have let his focus waver in the past few weeks.
And if it didn't succeeded, what did it matter, anyway? It did not matter at all. Erik had stopped caring what others thought of him long ago; the opinion of a single girl was nothing.
As for Charles - nothing would change there, either. It couldn't. Erik was sure of it - or, at least, as sure as he was of anything when it came to Charles's mind, quick and unpredictable and brilliant as it remained to Erik even now as they grew more and more familiar to each other, still a surprise as much as a comfort every time.
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18/9/12 03:43 (UTC)(no subject)
18/9/12 15:30 (UTC)I think what happens after this is that now Erik is much more constantly aware of his attraction to Charles, and of the possibility that Charles desires him as well. Eventually it gets to the point where he's expecting Charles to make a move, is waiting for it, has even decided he would say yes to it - but Charles never does, because as much as he wants Erik, he knows exactly how fucked up Erik is, and the way it would go afterwards with Erik's self-disgust or regret wouldn't be worth it.
When something does actually happen, it's at the mansion, after all that training together, and it's Erik who initiates it.