new ds story

[schmerica]

I'm not quite sure where this came from, and I don't think it's very many people's cup of tea, but -- here it is, nonetheless.

Title: Post
Pairing: F/K
Rating: R
Summary: "It wasn't the same, though."
Thank you nifra_idril for wonderful beta, and for discourse folks who listened and comforted while I ripped out my hair.

Read at my site, or here.

*****

When Fraser and Dief walked in the door, Ray was sitting in front of the fire, writing a letter.

"We're back," Fraser said, shutting the door to the cabin behind him. Not like that wasn't kind of obvious already or anything, but Ray didn't say anything snotty, just "Hey, Fraser."

Dief didn't have boots or gear or anything to mess with like Fraser. He came straight over to greet Ray, and Ray said hey to him, too. Dief made a half-hearted lick of his ear and then Ray's letter a curious look. But Ray didn't say anything and Dief didn't care that much, just headed over to his food.

Fraser finished dealing with his outdoor gear and came over to the fire, too, squatting next to Ray.

"Anything?" Ray said, even though the answer to that was pretty obvious, too.

"No," said Fraser. He gazed thoughtfully into the flames. "I would have been surprised if there was. It's a very sparsely populated area, you know -- anything would be miles from here. Anywhere, I suppose." He trailed into silence, frowning.

Ray watched Fraser's profile and didn't say anything.

After a couple of seconds Fraser seemed to shake it off. "Well," he said, standing up and clapping his hands against his thighs. "I'll go start dinner, then."

*****

They had plenty of food left. Lots of canned stew and canned vegetables and canned soup, along with all the stuff they'd been eating on their adventure. The local store in the town had been fine -- untouched and kind of spooky-looking, but fine. They'd taken supplies that would last, read a newspaper, and Fraser had left a pile of bills on the counter under a paperweight before they left. Who he'd left it for, Ray had no idea, but it seemed to make him feel better.

The newspaper was kind of old by that point, so they weren't sure what had really happened. Maybe it only got this bad up here -- though god knows how it had *gotten* here -- and everywhere else was fine, still, going on like normal.

Ray had mentioned the idea to Fraser and Dief right away, but they hadn't looked anymore convinced than he was.

*****

If Ray had gotten to choose one person to be the only person he'd ever see again, for the whole rest of his life, he probably would have chosen Fraser.

At least that's what he thought most of the time. Once in a while he thought the answer was more like 'anyone, *anyone* in the world but Fraser."

Fraser was either really observant or felt the same way, though, because it was usually just about those times when he and Dief went out for a couple hours alone. The first couple hours were always basically an awesome sense of relief -- *alone*! Privacy! Being able to breathe without tripping over the guy every five seconds!

That was usually when Ray wrote his letters. He wasn't a big writing guy, and he'd never really written letters before, but he found himself writing a lot of them now. To everybody, really. It was stupid, because they weren't ever going to get them, most likely.

Plus the letters were pretty stupid themselves. Not anything profound or important or meaningful or anything. They were just little scribblings that probably didn't make sense to anyone else but him.

So Ray wrote letters and did chores and sang to himself and Fraser and Dief went off to be bracing and rugged and outdoorsy.

Fraser was pretty good at getting back just about the time when *alone* was about to go from welcome to really fucking scary.

*****

The really weird thing was how normal it felt sometimes. Not *normal* normal or anything, but it wasn't that different from their adventure sometimes. And Fraser had lived in places like this, he'd flourished like this -- middle of nowhere, no heat or power or phones or plumbing or people or anything, no signs of civilization. Fraser could live like a king like this.

It wasn't the same, though.

*****

"Are we actually going to find anybody?"

"I don't know, Ray."

"Are we just going to sled out into the middle of the ice and *die*?"

"It's possible."

"Why do you want to do this, Fraser?"

"We might find them. There must be a fair number of people who survived, like us, in isolated outposts. And if we find them..."

"We're going to die eventually anyway. It's just whether or not we do it in this shack."

"Well, that's not the way I would have phrased it."

"I know that."

*****

Ray turned over in the middle of the night and watched Fraser sleep.

Fraser's eyes opened at the first whisper of his name, and Ray leaned over to press his lips to the corner of Fraser's mouth. He lowered his weight onto Fraser's body as Fraser's arm came around him, and they kissed for a long while, hugging and rubbing against each other.

Fraser twisted his head, making a soft sound into the air as he came, not a moan and not a sigh. Ray shut his eyes and buried his head against Fraser's shoulder. One of Fraser's hands was on Ray's back, rubbing slow circles through the sweat, and the other had a firm grasp on the nape of his neck. Ray bit his lip and came with a long, almost painful shudder.

Fraser's warm hand was curved across his belly and Ray was close to drifting off when he half-heard Fraser speaking into the silence.

"I'm sorry." And a second later, "I wish--"

"Shhh," Ray said, and then he fell asleep.

Comments

[farwing.livejournal.com]

Oh. I really like this story. I love it in fact. I knew by the end of the first bit, I knew something really bad had happened, and then I just wanted to find out what. I was already working on incoherent before I read this story, but now... And the writing is just lovely, as always. I think it has become lodged somewhere in my brain. Thank you.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thank *you* for your kind words! Brain-lodging is a serious compliment.

[erika-sanely.livejournal.com]

Holy fuck. What a depressing fic (and I mean that in a really good way)

If Ray had gotten to choose one person to be the only person he'd ever see again, for the whole rest of his life, he probably would have chosen Fraser.

At least that's what he thought most of the time. Once in a while he thought the answer was more like 'anyone, *anyone* in the world but Fraser."

That makes you just want to hug Ray until your ears hurt. No one to talk to but Fraser? I can only imagine how great that would be, but at the same time how sometimes how horrifying that would be too.

I can't decide whether I hope they find others or if they just stay the way they are: Ray, Fraser and Dief versus the World.

Wow.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

No one to talk to but Fraser? I can only imagine how great that would be, but at the same time how sometimes how horrifying that would be too.

*grin* It's kind of oddly fascinating to think about, isn't? Fraser as your conversational partner, forever.

Thank you for commenting!

[uselessplayback.livejournal.com]

Oh my god! I love you!

I mean, this:

That was usually when Ray wrote his letters. He wasn't a big writing guy, and he'd never really written letters before, but he found himself writing a lot of them now. To everybody, really. It was stupid, because they weren't ever going to get them, most likely.

Ok, so maybe it's a little weird that I only seem to reply to fic that bring the gloom and doom but this? It's perfect, spare and devastating. You totally hit my post-disaster story kink and so beautifully.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Hee, thank you! Yay for kink-hitting!

[celli]

Man, for the next couple of days a part of my brain will be chewing on this. "But maybe they do find other people! But maybe they don't! And then giant spiders eat them!"

(It's not my fault my first exposure to postapocalyptic fic was a Steven King short story with giant spiders, instead of "The Stand" like everyone else. It warped my little mind.)

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

You know, when I was imagining the feedback I might get for this story? Somehow, in all the different possibilities, "giant spiders" never ever crossed my mind.

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Wow. Okay. So is it really, really wrong of me to want this to turn into a Due South/The Stand crossover? Where Bob shows up standing next to an old black woman and two months later, Fraser and Ray sled into downtown Boulder? *g*

[theodosia.livejournal.com]

Now I want this, too!

Except the cities they're gathered to would be like Banff and Edmonton....

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Heh, you know, I've never read the Stand, so I am reading this comment with a sort of vague "...Okay!". (Actually, now that I think of it, I'm not sure if I've read any King. Hmm.)

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Okay, so, I'm sorry, but yes--this is the part where I tell you to go out and buy the Stand. Really. Yes.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Yes, ma'am!

*salutes*

(Um. Except for the part where, you know, poor, so library much more likely than ownership.)

[jenboo.livejournal.com]

It's not wrong of you at all, Ces. In fact, it's very very right.

I mean, they used a lot of Canadian actors in the mini-series, right? It wouldn't be all that strange to have Fraser and Ray be two of the people who showed up. *g*

[estrella30.livejournal.com]

eeeeeeee!

That was kinda creepy and scary, but really - very, very good! Damn. How do you do that?

*loves on pearl and her new story*

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

*loves on estrella right back*

Also, that icon? Is very pretty. Mmmm, Fraser. Mmm, brown uniform.

Post-apocalyptic joy from pearl!

[lynnmonster.livejournal.com]

::heart::

I love this so damn much, Pearl. So much so that I fear I lack capability to express myself properly.

If Ray had gotten to choose one person to be the only person he'd ever see again, for the whole rest of his life, he probably would have chosen Fraser.

At least that's what he thought most of the time. Once in a while he thought the answer was more like 'anyone, *anyone* in the world but Fraser."

Sounds exactly like marriage to me...


Fraser was pretty good at getting back just about the time when *alone* was about to go from welcome to really fucking scary.

Oh, yesyesyes.


And the last scene made my tummy do flippity-flops.

::mwah::

Re: Post-apocalyptic joy from pearl!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Eee, I am so glad you liked it, honey! *smooches gratefully*

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Omigod omigod omigod. I adore post-apocalyptic stories anyway, and this one was just so good ...

::spontaneously has five of pearl-o's babies::

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Yaaaaay!

*looks around helplessly for someplace to store new offspring*

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

::whimper::

::finds bucket of sand and sticks head into it::

::removes head because starfish's babies are crawling up legs::

::packs babies back to bed and returns to bucket::

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

...Is it just me, or is that kind of disturbing imagery?

Also, um. I didn't *mean* to send you running for buckets! It just sort of happened.

[abelladonna.livejournal.com]

Oh god.

::bites lip::

Can I be you when I grow up?

I know that this probably isn't everyone's thing, but, damn, it sure is mine! I came out of a fandom with very few happy endings, and sometimes I long for a good DS without the happily ever after. (Yes, I know, I'm a sick sick little girl.) But, jeez... you've got both here. The together and the alone, and the terrible and the good.

My fav part is this: Fraser was pretty good at getting back just about the time when *alone* was about to go from welcome to really fucking scary. Because that's the essence of Ray and Fraser, isn't it? That knowing. And, damn. ::goes back to reread and makes note to save to her HD when she gets home::

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Oh! Thank you so much; I'm really glad to hear this managed to work so well for you.

(But ... if you're me, then who will *I* be?)

[abelladonna.livejournal.com]

Hey, it doesn't matter to me! As long as I get to be someone cool....

[marialima.livejournal.com]

Well, damn. That was simply amazing.

As always, you continue to blow me away.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much!

[evilprettykitty.livejournal.com]

Gah. Gah.

So sad and yet, not completely.

And damn it I want to know what happened!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Heh, I'm sorry. I didn't set out to leave you hanging!

[raveninthewind.livejournal.com]

This was chilling, and depressing. Well, the not-so-comforting comfort sex at the end made me feel a bit better.


This line is oh-so-Ray&Fraser: So Ray wrote letters and did chores and sang to himself and Fraser and Dief went off to be bracing and rugged and outdoorsy.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It's neat to hear that something had a strong effect, even when it's not exactly, you know, *happy*.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's. . .that's disturbing. The normality of their situation grafted onto the acute knowledge that everything is different and abnormal is spooky and effective. Very nice.
::shivers::

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Thank you -- I'm glad it work for you.

[jenboo.livejournal.com]

Wow, Pearl! This is chilling and spooky and all those cool adjectives that everyone else has already used. I love it because it takes what we assume might be a normal existence for them if they went up to live in the North and turns it on its ear. Like they went out for their adventure and came back and everyone was gone.
Fraser and Ray in the Twilight Zone. Fantastic!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Yay, I'm glad you liked it!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I adored the quietness of this, yes. Part of love is knowing when to just walk away before something gets thrown at your head. *pauses* That would be a good opening line for a story, I think I shall use it.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Part of love is knowing when to just walk away before something gets thrown at your head. *pauses* That would be a good opening line for a story, I think I shall use it.

*g* I like it, man.

[silverakira.livejournal.com]

I am so totally in love with this story. Because ever since I read LaT's Affirmation, I've been obsessed with dS + apocalyptic/post-apocalyptic themes.

and Fraser had left a pile of bills on the counter under a paperweight before they left.

Sigh. So Fraser.

If Ray had gotten to choose one person to be the only person he'd ever see again, for the whole rest of his life, he probably would have chosen Fraser.

At least that's what he thought most of the time. Once in a while he thought the answer was more like 'anyone, *anyone* in the world but Fraser."

Their partnership, in a nutshell.

Fraser was pretty good at getting back just about the time when *alone* was about to go from welcome to really fucking scary.

It's weird, because, if you think about it, that's likely how they were going to live out the rest of their lives anyhow, but then it the fact that they have the knowledge that they might possibly be the only ones who survived that gives it the sad, depressing edge.

And the last bit -- so much love. Perfect, amazing story. Going to be thinking about this one for a while.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

You leave such lovely feedback -- this made me all bouncy and happy. Thank you!

[dirty-diana.livejournal.com]

Ooh, end of the world fic. Very nice. Depressing. But nice. I love the the quietness - it lulls you in, and then you have to think a second, and then you're all, ouch.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Ooh, that's a lovely description; thank you.

[akite.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, kind of freaky there, Pearl. Not bad freaky, I liked it, I guess. I'm just not being very articulate in saying it. :g:

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Hee. Thank you, I think.

[spainja.livejournal.com]

Wow. I really like this.

I like the ambiguity here. We don't know for sure what's happened, or how long they've been there, or what the nature of Fraser and Ray's relationship is--were they lovers before this? Did they fall in love during their time in the shack? Or are they just screwing each other because they're the only two warm bodies in the world? This story lets you fill in the blanks for yourself. Of course, it also leaves me wanting more.

Plus, I'm a sucker for good post-apocalyptic stories.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

I'm always afraid in my stories of underwriting, of managing too little on the constant line of too little/too much -- so hearing that the ambiguity worked is actually really comforting.

Dude, I had no idea some many people were into the end-of-the-world. Cool.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

oh. oh -- okay. *digests* It's quietly haunting and so full of questions, so many that might not ever be answered, and the desperation feels heavy and twisted, especially when they're in bed together. I'm making no sense here, but it's wonderfully written, darling, and I'll be thinking about this fic for some time to come.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

*snugs* Thank you, honey.

[maryavatar.livejournal.com]

Oh...

Damn, that was fucking excellent. Post-apocalyptic fiction is one of my favourite things ever.

[spuffyduds.livejournal.com]

Oh, so understated with so much horror just--hovering, out of sight. Great.