a short yet revealing dialogue

[schmerica]

Uterus: Hi, there.

pearl_o: ...What do you want?

Uterus: Oh, nothing. I just thought it was a nice time for a friendly chat, don't you think?

pearl_o: *eyes suspiciously*

Uterus: *grinning* I was just wondering if you'd noticed those extreme mood swings you've been having the last week or so. You know, the weird depressed!unmotivated!curl-up-in-bed-for-days!pearl-o, with the random outbursts of hyper bounciness.

pearl_o: As a matter of fact, yeah, I have.

Uterus: And I guess you also noticed how your normal levels of boy thoughts and sex thoughts and general hormonal wackiness seem to have escalated to those creepy incredibly fucking high levels? (No pun intended.)

pearl_o: Um.

Uterus: Uh-huh. And you haven't been able to concentrate on anything, right? As a matter of fact, you've been pretty much a *nutjob* the last week or so, haven't you?

pearl_o: Look, do you have a point?

Uterus: *giggles*

pearl_o: ...Oh, fuck you. Fuck you with a chainsaw.

Uterus: Dude, I'd think twice about getting on my bad side. You know your sister's and mom's Cramps From Hell? I still have those up my sleeve.

pearl_o: *silent*

Uterus: *basks in evilness*

pearl_o: I hate you.

Comments

[mollita.livejournal.com]

Dude, I had that *exact* conversation the other day. Only without the vague threats about Cramps From Hell, 'cause I already get those.

Dammit.

[farwing.livejournal.com]

huh. I've never actually had a conversation with my uterus. It never occured to me to use diplomacy. Maybe I could talk it out of the Cramps From Hell thing...

and er... *hugs*

[theodosia.livejournal.com]

Body parts should never develop the power of speech, I'm thinking.

[ladyvyola.livejournal.com]

My uterus disdains the very concept of negotiation. It has waged a Scorched Earth campaign from the very beginning.

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

*deathglares at your uterus*

*protects you*

*deathglares more*

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

I wield my power of anthropomorphization as a mighty tool!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

*hides with you*

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

*snugs you* I say: BOO.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

I'm doubtful about its effectiveness, frankly, but maybe it's worth a shot.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Gah, that sucks.

My body toys with me still, but we'll see how long that lasts.

[thehoyden.livejournal.com]

That's the thing with uteruses. They say they just want to have a friendly chat, but what they really want is a Spanish Inquisition.

Hope you feel better soon. *hugs*

[swamp-dragon.livejournal.com]

Apparently my uterus and yours have been plotting together.
::adjusts heating pad::
::pokes belly::
I hate you. Fucking internal organs.
::send thoughts of chocolate to Pearl-o::

[norah.livejournal.com]

RRRAAAAAAWWWRRRRR!

*from one menstrual beast to another*

[ineke.livejournal.com]

Right.

*runs*

You know, when you describe it like that? I can 100% imagine it having little tentacle arms and an evil, evil smile. Which is something one should never be thinking about a uterus! Ever!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

*grins* Oh, it's not exceptionally bad so far -- right now, we're still in the love antipication stage.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

ALIEN UTERUSES INVADE! MWAHAHA!

There are worse things to be thinking about uteruses, though, really. Like those badfics where the penis goes through the cervix? Um. Yeah.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

They're sneaky, is what they are.

And thank you!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Mmmmmm, chocolate. *eyes yet more Nutella hiding in corner*