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schmericaWell I'll hang around as long as you will let me
And I never minded standing in the rain
What Ray thinks is: he doesn't belong in Canada, not at all, not even a little bit. Ray and Canada are, like, polar opposites, no pun intended, because the North Pole isn't even really in Canada anyway.
The point is, Ray doesn't belong here. But he's here anyway and he's not planning on going any time soon. If he's gonna leave, Ray thinks, Fraser's going to have to ask him first, and that's not ever going to happen. That would be rude, and plus -- well, when Ray's feeling hopeful he thinks that Fraser doesn't want him to ever go, not really, and when he's feeling mean he thinks that Fraser's not going to ever even notice that Ray should've left already.
One month after Ray came to Canada he talked to Stella on the phone and she told him about her wedding and he pretended to be happy for her and he told her he was staying in Canada and Stella said "Jesus Christ, Ray, are you sleeping with him?" and "What are you going to do with yourself in Canada?" and "God, Ray, you're thinking with your dick again, why can't you think things through--" and Ray got angry and yelled at her until Vecchio took the phone away from Stella and then Ray yelled at him instead and Vecchio yelled back and altogether it was a big waste of a really ridiculous long distance bill.
Nobody else has said that stuff, the sex stuff, but Ray wouldn't be surprised if they were all thinking it. It makes sense; it makes a lot more sense than how things really are. But the sex stuff is -- it's a side thing, it's an extra thing, it's not the main thing at all. Ray knew he had to stay long before that stuff ever happened. It's, it's a bonus. Ray makes out with Fraser and he sucks Fraser's cock and he fucks Fraser on top of the giant pile of blankets and pillow and Ray thinks maybe he loves Fraser, really loves him, and that's all, that's all great, that's all fine, but that's not why he's here.
This is the thing: if Ray wasn't here, he'd be somewhere. And if Ray was somewhere else, he doesn't know who he'd be, what he'd do, any of it. He might just float away on the wind or melt into the sewers. Maybe be one of those people who walk around and look real and feel real and act real and on the inside they're all hollow and rotted away and just propped up with toothpicks.
When Ray is with Fraser, he knows who he is, and that's a fuck of a lot, and Ray's gonna hang on to that as long as he can.
And I never minded standing in the rain
What Ray thinks is: he doesn't belong in Canada, not at all, not even a little bit. Ray and Canada are, like, polar opposites, no pun intended, because the North Pole isn't even really in Canada anyway.
The point is, Ray doesn't belong here. But he's here anyway and he's not planning on going any time soon. If he's gonna leave, Ray thinks, Fraser's going to have to ask him first, and that's not ever going to happen. That would be rude, and plus -- well, when Ray's feeling hopeful he thinks that Fraser doesn't want him to ever go, not really, and when he's feeling mean he thinks that Fraser's not going to ever even notice that Ray should've left already.
One month after Ray came to Canada he talked to Stella on the phone and she told him about her wedding and he pretended to be happy for her and he told her he was staying in Canada and Stella said "Jesus Christ, Ray, are you sleeping with him?" and "What are you going to do with yourself in Canada?" and "God, Ray, you're thinking with your dick again, why can't you think things through--" and Ray got angry and yelled at her until Vecchio took the phone away from Stella and then Ray yelled at him instead and Vecchio yelled back and altogether it was a big waste of a really ridiculous long distance bill.
Nobody else has said that stuff, the sex stuff, but Ray wouldn't be surprised if they were all thinking it. It makes sense; it makes a lot more sense than how things really are. But the sex stuff is -- it's a side thing, it's an extra thing, it's not the main thing at all. Ray knew he had to stay long before that stuff ever happened. It's, it's a bonus. Ray makes out with Fraser and he sucks Fraser's cock and he fucks Fraser on top of the giant pile of blankets and pillow and Ray thinks maybe he loves Fraser, really loves him, and that's all, that's all great, that's all fine, but that's not why he's here.
This is the thing: if Ray wasn't here, he'd be somewhere. And if Ray was somewhere else, he doesn't know who he'd be, what he'd do, any of it. He might just float away on the wind or melt into the sewers. Maybe be one of those people who walk around and look real and feel real and act real and on the inside they're all hollow and rotted away and just propped up with toothpicks.
When Ray is with Fraser, he knows who he is, and that's a fuck of a lot, and Ray's gonna hang on to that as long as he can.
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15/7/05 18:31 (UTC)