That's certainly a very personal question. It's -- I'm not used to discussing these sorts of things, so I hope you'll excuse me if this does not come out quite right.
I am ... I am deeply in love with Ray Kowalski. I have reason to believe he harbors similar feelings.
But love is a completely irrational beast; it has no respect for people's lives, their feelings, their wants, their needs. It forces its way, regardless of the damage it causes.
Ray is, I believe, a romantic. He still believes that love is something gay and free and charming, despite his own experiences.
Perhaps I am afraid, at that. I am afraid of losing myself in what we have. I am afraid of losing Ray through trying for more -- from nobody's fault, from our daily learning to resent and ignore each other. I am afraid of love; I am more afraid of that love leaving.
There are many things I could wish for us -- but, well, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
(no subject)
13/8/05 17:58 (UTC)I am ... I am deeply in love with Ray Kowalski. I have reason to believe he harbors similar feelings.
But love is a completely irrational beast; it has no respect for people's lives, their feelings, their wants, their needs. It forces its way, regardless of the damage it causes.
Ray is, I believe, a romantic. He still believes that love is something gay and free and charming, despite his own experiences.
Perhaps I am afraid, at that. I am afraid of losing myself in what we have. I am afraid of losing Ray through trying for more -- from nobody's fault, from our daily learning to resent and ignore each other. I am afraid of love; I am more afraid of that love leaving.
There are many things I could wish for us -- but, well, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
(no subject)
13/8/05 21:36 (UTC)[And to