hello, queen victoria

[schmerica]

I have been working on The Hidden Heart by Laura Kinsale ever since I finished The Game of Kings, and even though I've loved everything else I've read of her work, this book is taking me forever. I simply cannot read too much of a time, because it is DRIVING ME INSANE. Seriously. It's not that the heroine and hero aren't likable; it's that every action they take is SO INCREDIBLY RETARDED OMIGOD.

TESS: I love you! We should get married!
GRYF: Just because you're gorgeous, fabulously wealthy, wellborn, and I'm madly in love with you doesn't mean we should get married.
TESS: ...If you don't marry me, I'll go marry that guy.
GRYF: Okay, you got me.
TESS AND GRYF: *are completely happy for five minutes*
PLOT DEVICE: *intrudes*
TESS: This girl, who is completely untrustworthy and whom I know for a fact has told me lies about you in the past, has just told me horrible things about you! What do you have to say for yourself?
GRYF: I choose to say nothing and brood silently as I let my only chance for happiness and love slip through my fingers.
TESS: FINE. I HATE YOU. I'm going to go marry that guy!
GRYF: FINE DO THAT. I also choose not to tell you he's a big sadist cruel torture-loving freak who does perverted things to small children! Instead I will only tell you in a vague and unconvincing way that he is a bad choice!
TESS: *marries that guy*
GRYF: *goes off to sulk forever*
TESS: *is tortured and abused and almost dies*
TESS'S GUARDIAN: *saves her on advice from Gryf*
TESS'S MARRIAGE: *is annulled*
TESS: Really I have loved Gryf all along! Oops!
TESS: *enacts elaborate scheme full of lies to win back Gryf's love*
GRYF: *finds out and gets angry*
TESS: *gives Gryf heartfelt letter full of explanations of everything that has happened to date*
GRYF: *throws letter overboard without reading it, because he is an idiot*
TESS AND GRYF: *have misunderstandings*
TESS: *enacts ANOTHER elaborate scheme full of lies to win back Gryf's love*
GRYF: *finds out and gets angry*
TESS: But I love you!
GRYF: Let's get married!
TESS: YAYS.
GRYF: What I forgot to tell you is that this is a marriage of convenience in case you get knocked up and actually, I'm going to tell you I don't really love at all, even though it is a complete lie. Please leave me and sail off to the other side of the world.
TESS: OH NOES.
TESS: *sails off*
GRYF: ...This sucks.

But, you know, that's always the danger of going back to first novels, right?

I need more books. I have nothing left after I finish this one! The library system website isn't working right, either; I can't make it let me reserve books online. MY WORLD IS ALL ASKEW. I do not know what to do without that convenience!

Comments

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Pfui.