new sga story: queen of quiet

[schmerica]

Title: Queen of Quiet
Fandom: SGA
Summary: Atlantis was a home for those without homes. Once Teyla would have considered it strange.
Pairing: Teyla-centric, with some Teyla/Rodney and Teyla/m.
2800 words/16k. Thank you to riverlight and ficbyzee for beta.

Read at my site or below.

*****

They had come through the ring of the Ancestors during Greil's winter. Teyla had warned them of the cold and snow, and they were all well-prepared, but even so, Rodney had raised strenuous objections when they left the puddle jumper, until Ronon had stopped and thrown his outermost coat at him. Wrapped in the overlarge garment, Rodney had desisted his complaints, and their walk had been rather peaceful until they reached the town, and this inn.

Rodney and Ronon were both occupied currently with the consumption of large quantities of a stew of root vegetables. Teyla had eaten as well, more out of courtesy to their hosts than out of hunger. Colonel Sheppard had not eaten; he sat back in his chair. To one who did not know him well, he would appear relaxed and casual. This was false; Teyla could see exactly how aware the colonel was of their surroundings. His eyes were fixed on both entrances, all of his weapons were within easy reach, and he was prepared to spring into action at any moment.

Teyla did not understand the reason for the colonel's tension. The Greilans were a peaceful, friendly people, with whom the Athosians had traded for many years. She frowned in his direction, but he showed no sign of noticing. At any rate, she is prepared as well, ready to follow his lead if his instincts should prove correct. Teyla had known what it was to be a leader; she could readily sympathize with the stress and responsibility that came with command.

"Colonel?" she said quietly. "Is there a problem?"

Colonel Sheppard glanced over at her, and gave her a small smile. It was often difficult to judge the sincerity of his expressions, but she believed this one might be truthful. "Nah. We're good. I think we should be heading back soon, though."

"Can we take some of this stuff with us?" Rodney said from the other end of the table. He gestured towards his bowl with his spoon. Next to him, Ronon nodded in thoughtful agreement, confirming Rodney's assessment.

The colonel merely rolled his eyes, but Teyla raised an eyebrow and said, "I believe this can be arranged."

*****

Atlantis was a home for those without homes. Once Teyla would have considered it strange. To think of so many people, all leaving their home and families and lives, only to travel an unimaginable distance with no promise of ever returning -- all of their own free will, out of their own choice. Teyla knew of many peoples who were forced to leave their planets, find refuge on a new land, but this was an altogether different thing.

And yet, though she had lost her home world, her people still remained, but Teyla had nonetheless chosen to remain in the city of the Ancestors with this expedition. Ronon, too, in his unlucky exile, had chosen to stay here.

Atlantis was home, somehow, and they all seemed to possess a profound love and devotion to it, no less strong for none of them having originated there.

This was not to say that Teyla did not miss Athos, or that she did not pine for the trees and waters and sun of her childhood, of the world of her parents and her grandparents before her. But if she were to leave Atlantis, she thought she must miss the city just as much.

*****

"There are four major components to an honorable life," Teyla said. In the pilot's seat of the puddle jumper, Colonel Sheppard nodned, acknowledging her words; it was he who had asked, after all. "There is the pursuit of wisdom, love of one's people, strength of body, and serenity of spirit."

"That's completely inane," Rodney said, from the seat behind her.

Ronon made a small noise, almost like a growl, and the colonel said, "Rodney--"

"Well, it is," Rodney said. Teyla glanced back at him, watching him cross his arms across his chest as he spoke. "Don't tell me that's actually what you think. I'm sure your fighting skill things and your calm demeanor are all well and good," he said, waving his hand toward her, "but you can't tell me you think all that's as important as the advancement of actual knowledge."

"Our thoughts on the matter are obviously quite different," Teyla said. "My people have always believed balance to be of the utmost importance."

Rodney snorted. "Somehow, I'm not completely shocked."

"Perhaps one day you will let me show you some further physical and spiritual skills," Teyla suggested. "And you could demonstrate to me some of your scientific research."

"Oh, yes," Rodney said, "in all my copious amounts of free time."

Ronon said, "You just don't want to get beaten by a girl."

Teyla turned back to the front of the jumper; outside the window the stars were as beautiful and mysterious as they ever were. Behind her, Rodney protested, "I have no problem with her being a girl -- I don't want to be beaten by anybody. Not that I'm threatened by mere physical strength."

*****

Teyla's first mate was called Melin. Teyla had been rather younger than most women upon living with their first man, and Melin had been rather older than most men; still, they were well-suited for each other and lived happily enough for the better part of a year, before his death. Teyla had waited several years before choosing another mate. Multiple marriages were not unusual on Athos; they could not be, when their population was so unsteady and death rates so high. Teyla and Terros had produced one child, a son, but he was weak and they lost him before his first birthday. Terros was culled soon afterwards, in the last Wraith raid before the visitors from Atlantis.

That was several years back, and Teyla had not been tempted to take another man since. Since arriving at Atlantis, however, she had observed the quite different sexual mores that seemed to reign here. There was no one here who would make an acceptable mate, whom she would bind to herself for a lifetime and bear children with -- but in the case of physical intercourse, without the other connotations, well... That was a different story. The normal touch of another person was something Teyla had missed a great deal since she left her world.

Colonel Sheppard would be an inappropriate choice, of course. She cared for Ronon very much, but he was ... young, very young; inexperienced in many things.

When she went to make her offer to Rodney, he appeared to choke -- on air, apparently, as there was nothing in his mouth. Teyla patted his back to help, but it was still several minutes of coughing and the consumption of an entire glass of water before he was able to address her.

*****

Once Rodney overcame his initial suspicious reserve ("Oh, come on, I know there's a catch. Out of my league exotic warrior goddess? There's got to be a catch.") he was a surprisingly generous lover. He was both gentle and attentive -- and though Teyla respected him a great deal, those were two qualities she would not have expected to apply to him. He seemed to have a curious joy in granting her sexual satisfaction; his expressions on making her climax bore a striking resemblance to the looks she has seen him wear upon one of his scientific breakthroughs. Rodney seemed especially fond of intercourse in the position where he lay upon his back, and she was above him; Teyla had fondness for this arrangement as well. It gave her a great deal of control and pleasure as she moved upon him over and over, his hands clutching lightly at her hips as he stared up at her, muttering to himself almost continually. Rodney, indeed, spoke almost constantly during their encounters, just as he did everywhere else -- the main exception, of course, being his frequent oral attentions, another one of his inclinations Teyla was only too pleased to indulge.

Their encounters were not frequent, but they were satisying; Teyla felt her affection toward Rodney grow along with her respect.

*****

Each morning when Teyla woke up, she would make herself a stout cup of tea, bracing herself for the coming day. She would bathe, washing herself quickly, and go to the mess to eat her first meal. On some days, they would use the ring of the Ancestors and go off-world. More often, she would go through the city, concentrating on her responsibilities and duties for much of the day. In the afternoon, she would go to the training room. Some days she would spar with Colonel Sheppard, or with Ronon; other days she would do her exercises and exertions by herself, teaching her body, keeping it active and prepared. In the evening she would eat another meal. Sometimes in the evening there would be more work to be done; sometimes the atmosphere was relaxed, and she would visit her companions in the city and join in their entertainments; sometimes she would visit Rodney for one of their encounters; sometimes she would stay in her rooms, peaceful and quiet and alone.

It was a fulfilling life.

****

Teyla had always enjoyed her sparring sessions with Colonel Sheppard. From the beginning, he was interested and eager to both teach and learn; he had developed the skills she taught him at a rapid rate. He always had been a worthy opponent, in any of their fighting styles. He was strong, quick, and had an intelligent and strategic mind.

"A good session," Teyla said as they finished, bowing her head to him slighty.

The colonel nodded, and turned to his bag at the edge of the room, taking out his plastic bottle of water. Teyla sat on the bench against the wall and used a cloth to wipe the perspiration off her face and upper chest.

Colonel Sheppard took a very long drink of water; Teyla watched the stretch of his throat and the expanse of his arm as he swallowed. He took a deep breath as he lowered the bottle and screwed its cap on top, and then he looked back over toward her.

"So I've heard you and McKay have a thing going on now," the colonel said. There was a relaxation to his voice that struck Teyla as very deliberate.

Teyla did not move. She said merely, "Have you?"

"Aw, you know how gossip spreads around here. It's like high school all over again," the colonel said. He had never minded making references he must have known were incomprehensible to her. Usually Teyla found it fascinating. "So is it true?"

Teyla raised one eyebrow at him. "I do not see how it would be the concern of any but Dr. McKay and myself if it is, Colonel Sheppard." She stood, beginning to turn away from him, but his slight chuckle stopped her.

"Teyla, come on. It's just ... you and Rodney. It's weird. I just thought--"

"You thought what, Colonel?" Teyla said. She felt doubt, but also a genuine curiosity.

The colonel shrugged a little; the thin shirt he wore to practice clung to him in his sweat. "He's a great guy, but I just wouldn't have thought he was quite your type, that's all. He's ... Rodney."

He grinned at her. Although his grin was often infectious, Teyla did not grin back. She paused for a moment, determining exactly what she wished to say. "I consider you a colleague and a friend, Colonel, and I respect your opinion very much, but this is a subject I would prefer not to discuss with you."

"Sure." His smile had left his face, and his arms were crossed before his chest; he looked frustrated. Teyla bade him a short goodbye and excused herself from the room.

The truth of the matter was that there were specific reasons Teyla would prefer not to have such a discussion with Colonel Sheppard. It seemed apparent that the very subtext of his question was not so much about her and Rodney as it was about him.

Colonel Sheppard was a very attractive man; Teyla had noticed that from their first meeting. He was a good man, as well. He was honorable, brave, strong, and intelligent, all the attributes one would look for in a man. He was in command of their team, it was true, but there were circumstances where that would not be a defining motivation in her decision to become more deeply involved with him. She could easily be physically attracted to him.

And yet... And yet. There were layers to John Sheppard that Teyla did not understand, and which she believed she never would. There was an unsurmountable distance to his character. Teyla would not have ever chosen him as a mate, and she would not choose him as a casual physical partner. As much time as she spent with him, she would never truly know him. He was missing something, wanting something, and Teyla had no idea what that might be. As a friend and a colleague, yes, he had all of her respect and affection; as anything else, he was dangerous and unwelcome.

*****

On some nights, Teyla dreamt of those she had lost. She saw herself on Athos, in one of the camps in which she was raised, among her parents and grandparents, her mates and child, all those who have died and left and moved on. The sun shone, and all of them were happy, and none were afraid.

On some nights, Teyla dreamt of those she feared. She saw the Wraith, cruel and unfeeling and utterly unhuman, full of monstrous desires and deeds. On some nights, she saw herself as one of them.

On some nights, Teyla dreamt of things she had never known, She saw all the worlds and lives her companions had experienced, which she would likely never see herself, any more than they would see the experiences of her life.

On some nights, Teyla dreamt of the city of the Ancestors. She saw Atlantis, as it was, as it had been, as it might be someday. On these nights, she slept soundly.

*****

"You are very tense," said Teyla. She sat on the bed, above the rumpled covers, with her legs folded beneath her, dressed once more in her robes.

"Well, yes, thank you, Captain Obvious," Rodney said, his voice muffled as he pulled his shirt down over his head. He bent over to the floor to pick up his shoes, still speaking. "Of course I'm tense. Do you have any idea how stressful it is to be the genius in charge of keeping this entire place from metaphorically plummeting to destruction every day?"

Teyla made a small, thoughtful noise as Rodney sat again on the edge of the bed. "Your tension cannot be useful. Do you not find your responsibilities easier to bear with a calm mind?"

Rodney snorted. "Are you kidding me?" He finished with his shoes, placing his feet flat on the ground, and he twisted his upper body to face her.

"I am not joking with you," Teyla said; she felt a smile broaden across her face. "You might consider more physical activity to loosen your muscles."

Rodney appeared skeptic; he said, "Look, I appreciate the thought and all, but I don't see that happening, okay?"

"Perhaps massage, then," said Teyla. She raised up on her knees behind Rodney and set her hands on his shoulders, pressing her thumbs into the knot below his neck.

"Ow," Rodney said, "ow, ow, ow -- oh. Oh. Oh, yes, okay, we'll give this a try, fine--"

Teyla closed her eyes and listened to Rodney's speech with only half her mind. The skin was warm and supple through the fabric; she could feel each movement he made, the slow wearing down of his body's resistance and stress. Sometimes touch was the most profound of all the senses. The massage process itself affected not only its recipient but the giver as well -- just as all things did. As Rodney's body became slowly, slowly more pliant under her hands, she could feel her own body relaxing as well.

She inhaled deep breaths, exhaled again. She was peaceful; she was calm; she was ready for whatever was to come.

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