schmerica. pete/joe take 1!

So earlier I complained about how I really wanted to write Joe/Pete, but I don't have any actual stories! I just want to make them sit around and tell each other stupid jokes! That's what interviews are for!

And, uh, then I wrote 1000 words of them sitting around telling each other stupid jokes. Exactly as I predicted.

Let's call this Pete/Joe Take 1, okay? There's no STORY to the story, but there is complete and utter fluff! And multiple animal metaphors! And boys! COME ON I KNOW YOU LIKE BOYS, DON'T EVEN FRONT.

*****

"Patrick!" Pete says, half a second before he pounces, leaping into Patrick's lap and leaning his head against Patrick's shoulder. Patrick doesn't make any loud noises of protest, so chances are that Pete didn't accidentally knee him in the balls; he's gotten a lot better at that in the last few years. Usually when he does it now it's on purpose.

Joe leans back in his armchair and stretches his legs all the way out while he watches them.

Pete curls up close, and Patrick patiently puts his arm around Pete's shoulder so he can snuggle in even more. Pete rubs his nose against the shoulder of Patrick's sweatshirt and says, "Patrick, when are you going to marry me?"

"Uh, never?" says Patrick.

"Why not?"

"Seriously? I need to list the reasons?"

"I'm cool with it," Joe offers, and Patrick shoots a friendly glare in his direction.

"See, Patrick, Joe's cool with it," Pete says.

"You would not be cool with it," Patrick says.

"Andy says monogamy is an outmoded social tradition. And, like, it's about subjugating women. And figuring out if your babies are yours or not." Joe frowns. "Pete, you're not going to have Patrick's babies, are you?"

"All my babies are for you," Pete promises. "Patrick will just be my husband. You can be my mistress and my baby momma."

"No," says Joe, "I'll be the baby daddy. You can be the baby momma. Patrick can be the stepmom."

"Patrick is not going to be anybody's stepmom," Patrick says firmly.

"Well, that's kind of mean, Patrick. I mean. Aren't our kids good enough for you? Oh, hey," he says, struck with a sudden thought, "dude, Pete, can I be your best man?"

"Duh, yeah, totally!" says Pete, sitting up a little and gesturing excitedly. "I'll make us matching Clandestine hoodies with, like, special holes for the corsage crap things?"

"Oh, man," says Joe. He's a little in awe.

"I'm gonna throw up in my mouth a little," Patrick says, but it's in his driest voice, and the corners of his mouth are turning up where he's trying not to smile or laugh.

"Ooh, ooh," Pete says, his voice hushed, "we can make Hemmy be the ring bearer."

All three of them are quiet for a few seconds, until Joe says, "It's going to be the best wedding ever."

Patrick turns to Pete and says, "Seriously, why don't you marry him? Does it just make too much sense for your brain to handle?"

Pete makes a face. "Joe doesn't wanna marry me."

"It's true," says Joe. "I don't. The pre-nup would be a bitch. Besides, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?"

"You guys are kinda retarded," Patrick says. Joe's pretty sure it's more fond than it is annoyed.

"Retarded in love with you!" Pete says, and dives in for a kiss before Patrick can dodge.

*****

It's okay, though, really, because Pete and Patrick's marriage wouldn't have really worked out anyway, and Joe is sure having an intra-band divorce would have been a major bummer. Patrick would take the wedding vows way too seriously. Which, hey! They were serious business, Joe gets that! But Pete is kind of a wild stallion, in a way. You can't pin him down.

When Joe tells Patrick this, Patrick gets a funny look on his face and says, "I'm not sure whether to tell you to stop mixing metaphors so bad or just to never, ever, ever refer to Pete as a stallion again." And then Joe might have gotten distracted giggling for a few minutes. But the point still stood.

Joe has actually had people ask him, a couple of times, about the whole thing. Like it was freaky or something, that Joe didn't care if his boyfriend liked making out with people. Or it somehow made him a really nice guy. Joe didn't really have an answer, usually, besides just shrugging and going "Uh, I don't know?" and changing the subject.

Whatever. Joe is a pretty easy-going guy, is the thing. Pete likes kissing other dudes and pretty ladies. Joe likes Pete. Pete likes Joe. It all works out. Pete isn't interested in any dicks that don't belong to either him or Joe. Even with chicks, Joe can't imagine a dude more determined to be faithful than Pete. So Joe doesn't mind giving him permission once in a while, because Pete always asks.

*****

Sometimes when Joe wakes up early on the bus, Pete is already sitting, sprawled across the couch, with Hemmy's head resting on his lap or thigh while he scribbles furiously into a notebook. It's always obvious when Pete hasn't been sleeping, not even a little, not at all. On those mornings Joe yawns and gets himself a glass of orange juice. When he's done he goes back and sits on the floor, tucking himself neatly into the vee Pete's legs make spread out like that. Hemmy makes a grumbly noise when Joe tilts his head back against Pete's leg.

Pete keeps writing with his right hand, but he puts his left hand on Joe's head, combing softly through the curls, making a soft humming noise under his breath.

"We should go out for sundaes later today," Joe says after a few minutes.

"Awesome," Pete says. "Are you gonna give me the cherry from yours?"

Joe makes a face, even though Pete can't see it behind him. "We'll see," he says, but Pete just laughs, because they both know that means yes.

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