schmerica. a pete/brendon manifesto, by txtequilanights and <lj site="livejo (Reply)

Context: we were on AIM. We started talking about Pete/Brendon, because it is awesome. People being mean to Pete makes us sad.

...That's it. NOW GO.

pearl_o: It's not Pete's fault Brendon is a repressed Mormon freak with mean bandmates!

pearl_o: *pets them both*

txtequilanights: who won't have sex with him!

pearl_o: Isn't that implied by the "mean"?

txtequilanights: obvs

txtequilanights: what is this "we're straight!" business?

pearl_o: LAME, boys.

pearl_o: VERY LAME.

txtequilanights: BRENDON'S APPLE BOTTOM IS NOT AMUSED

pearl_o: :-(

txtequilanights: D:

pearl_o: Brendon Urie inspires me to mangle Gone With the Wind quotes. He needs to be fucked, and often, and by somebody who knows how.

txtequilanights: like pete wentz!

pearl_o: EXACTLY

txtequilanights: who also has an unfortunately straight best friend

txtequilanights: their lives are so hard!

pearl_o: *nods sadly*

txtequilanights: they must turn to each other!

pearl_o: COMFORT IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS

pearl_o: (AND SHIRTLESS BOWLING)

txtequilanights: COMFORT AND GAY SEX

pearl_o: PRECISELY

txtequilanights: and ryan is so pissed! because... PETE WENTZ. HE IS THE ONLY PERSON ON RYAN'S GAY EXCEPTION LIST

txtequilanights: AND BRENDON IS BONING HIM

pearl_o: ahahahaha.

pearl_o: IF BRENDON LIKES DUDES, THERE ARE THREE BILLION THAT RYAN WOULDN'T HAVE SEX WITH, AREN'T THERE?

txtequilanights: BUT NO, BRENDON HAD TO PICK THE ONE HE *WOULD*

pearl_o: IT'S JUST SELFISH, REALLY.

txtequilanights: BRENDON KNEW ABOUT THE LIST!

pearl_o: BRENDON POUTED FOR TWO WEEKS ABOUT NOT BEING ON THE LIST.

pearl_o: SERIOUSLY, BRENDON, THIS IS JUST PETTY. PETTY.

txtequilanights: SO MANY OTHER DUDES

pearl_o: Brendon is mostly pissed off at Ryan's bitching, but slightly flattered that Ryan seems to think every dude in the world would be willing to bone him.

txtequilanights: And also, Brendon doesn't believe Ryan would follow through on his gay exception

txtequilanights: for a dude with that much makeup expertise, Ryan would probably run away at the first sight of cock

pearl_o: He would, like, let Pete give him half a handjob and then wimp out.

txtequilanights: fake gay exceptions do not count

pearl_o: seriously, Ryan doesn't even kiss dudes, hardly. He's only made out with Pete twice. That's the equivalent of wearing a gay chastity belt.

txtequilanights: And he has NEVER made out with Brendon. So, really. Gay exception Brendon's ASS.

pearl_o: (except not. TRAGICALLY.)

txtequilanights: (woe)

txtequilanights: also, Ryan is, sadly for him, not as hot as Brendon, so Brendon doesn't know why Ryan thinks Pete would rather get it on with HIM when he could be doing Brendon instead

pearl_o: ahahaha.

pearl_o: Man, for real, even if Ryan DID suck cock -- which he DOESN'T -- it's no comparison.

txtequilanights: Brendon has SEEN his own mouth, thanks

txtequilanights: and he has seen Ryan's

txtequilanights: and, yeah. no.

txtequilanights: Sorry, Ross.

pearl_o: I bet Brendon has a whole lsit of reasons why he's a better choice than Ryan. And he recites them to Spencer often.

txtequilanights: poor spencer

txtequilanights: Patrick would be more of a threat, except that he doesn't even HAVE a gsy exception list as far as Brendon knows.

pearl_o: "And plus, do you think Ryan would ever let somebody fuck them against the front door? No! He wouldn't! He would complain about his back! And I bet he's too concerned about traffic safety to jerk Pete off while he's driving either! And plus he doesn't like it when pets watch during it, either, and Pete would never lock Hemmy out of the bedroom."

txtequilanights: BRENDON IS TOTALLY OKAY WITH HEMMY WATCHING. AND HE LIKES IT AGAINST DOORS.

txtequilanights: AND TRAFFIC SAFTEY CAN BLOW HIM LIKE HE'LL BE BLOWING PETE

pearl_o: WHATEVER RYAN ROSS. WHATEVER. Have your boring heterosexual sex! BRENDON IS GOING TO GET A RIMJOB THAT LASTS AN HOUR FROM PETE WENTZ.

txtequilanights: AND IT'S GOING TO BE *AWESOME*

pearl_o: SO AWESOME.

txtequilanights: HE WILL BE SURE TO TELL RYAN ABOUT IT LATER

txtequilanights: IN DETAIL

pearl_o: PROBABLY DURING BREAKFAST, ACTUALLY

txtequilanights: WITH VISUAL AIDS

pearl_o: Brendon probably also abuses similes to make his point. "Yeah, such-and-such is so great! It's like -- OKAY, you know what it's like? It's like when you see your boyfriend for the first time in a couple of weeks and you're so horny that you just drop to your knees in a public restroom and blow him right now, and he's fucking your mouth and pulling your hair, and it's so awesome you just come in your pants without even jerking off. It's just like that, you know, Ryan? OH WAIT. YOU DON'T. SORRY."

txtequilanights: YOU LIFE MUST BE SO BORING

pearl_o: AS LONG AS YOU'RE HAPPY, I GUESS

pearl_o: IT'S GREAT YOU'RE SO COMFORTABLE WITH WHO YOU ARE

txtequilanights: IF PUSSY IS ENOUGH FOR YOU, THEN I'M GLAD YOU'RE HAPPY

txtequilanights: WITHOUT PETE'S DICK

txtequilanights: WHILE I AM HAPPY WITH IT

pearl_o: TWICE A NIGHT

pearl_o: SOMETIMES THREE

txtequilanights: AND AT LEAST ONCE THE NEXT MORNING

txtequilanights: and you know, brendon has tried pussy, he can compare. ryan has not tried dick! he doesn't even KNOW!

pearl_o: god, it's so true.

pearl_o: DIDN'T YOU EVER READ GREEN EGGS AND HAM, RYAN?