a pete/brendon manifesto, by txtequilanights and <lj site="livejo

[schmerica]

Context: we were on AIM. We started talking about Pete/Brendon, because it is awesome. People being mean to Pete makes us sad.

...That's it. NOW GO.

pearl_o: It's not Pete's fault Brendon is a repressed Mormon freak with mean bandmates!
pearl_o: *pets them both*
txtequilanights: who won't have sex with him!
pearl_o: Isn't that implied by the "mean"?
txtequilanights: obvs
txtequilanights: what is this "we're straight!" business?
pearl_o: LAME, boys.
pearl_o: VERY LAME.
txtequilanights: BRENDON'S APPLE BOTTOM IS NOT AMUSED
pearl_o: :-(
txtequilanights: D:
pearl_o: Brendon Urie inspires me to mangle Gone With the Wind quotes. He needs to be fucked, and often, and by somebody who knows how.
txtequilanights: like pete wentz!
pearl_o: EXACTLY
txtequilanights: who also has an unfortunately straight best friend
txtequilanights: their lives are so hard!
pearl_o: *nods sadly*
txtequilanights: they must turn to each other!
pearl_o: COMFORT IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS
pearl_o: (AND SHIRTLESS BOWLING)
txtequilanights: COMFORT AND GAY SEX
pearl_o: PRECISELY
txtequilanights: and ryan is so pissed! because... PETE WENTZ. HE IS THE ONLY PERSON ON RYAN'S GAY EXCEPTION LIST
txtequilanights: AND BRENDON IS BONING HIM
pearl_o: ahahahaha.
pearl_o: IF BRENDON LIKES DUDES, THERE ARE THREE BILLION THAT RYAN WOULDN'T HAVE SEX WITH, AREN'T THERE?
txtequilanights: BUT NO, BRENDON HAD TO PICK THE ONE HE *WOULD*
pearl_o: IT'S JUST SELFISH, REALLY.
txtequilanights: BRENDON KNEW ABOUT THE LIST!
pearl_o: BRENDON POUTED FOR TWO WEEKS ABOUT NOT BEING ON THE LIST.
pearl_o: SERIOUSLY, BRENDON, THIS IS JUST PETTY. PETTY.
txtequilanights: SO MANY OTHER DUDES
pearl_o: Brendon is mostly pissed off at Ryan's bitching, but slightly flattered that Ryan seems to think every dude in the world would be willing to bone him.
txtequilanights: And also, Brendon doesn't believe Ryan would follow through on his gay exception
txtequilanights: for a dude with that much makeup expertise, Ryan would probably run away at the first sight of cock
pearl_o: He would, like, let Pete give him half a handjob and then wimp out.
txtequilanights: fake gay exceptions do not count
pearl_o: seriously, Ryan doesn't even kiss dudes, hardly. He's only made out with Pete twice. That's the equivalent of wearing a gay chastity belt.
txtequilanights: And he has NEVER made out with Brendon. So, really. Gay exception Brendon's ASS.
pearl_o: (except not. TRAGICALLY.)
txtequilanights: (woe)
txtequilanights: also, Ryan is, sadly for him, not as hot as Brendon, so Brendon doesn't know why Ryan thinks Pete would rather get it on with HIM when he could be doing Brendon instead
pearl_o: ahahaha.
pearl_o: Man, for real, even if Ryan DID suck cock -- which he DOESN'T -- it's no comparison.
txtequilanights: Brendon has SEEN his own mouth, thanks
txtequilanights: and he has seen Ryan's
txtequilanights: and, yeah. no.
txtequilanights: Sorry, Ross.
pearl_o: I bet Brendon has a whole lsit of reasons why he's a better choice than Ryan. And he recites them to Spencer often.
txtequilanights: poor spencer
txtequilanights: Patrick would be more of a threat, except that he doesn't even HAVE a gsy exception list as far as Brendon knows.
pearl_o: "And plus, do you think Ryan would ever let somebody fuck them against the front door? No! He wouldn't! He would complain about his back! And I bet he's too concerned about traffic safety to jerk Pete off while he's driving either! And plus he doesn't like it when pets watch during it, either, and Pete would never lock Hemmy out of the bedroom."
txtequilanights: BRENDON IS TOTALLY OKAY WITH HEMMY WATCHING. AND HE LIKES IT AGAINST DOORS.
txtequilanights: AND TRAFFIC SAFTEY CAN BLOW HIM LIKE HE'LL BE BLOWING PETE
pearl_o: WHATEVER RYAN ROSS. WHATEVER. Have your boring heterosexual sex! BRENDON IS GOING TO GET A RIMJOB THAT LASTS AN HOUR FROM PETE WENTZ.
txtequilanights: AND IT'S GOING TO BE *AWESOME*
pearl_o: SO AWESOME.
txtequilanights: HE WILL BE SURE TO TELL RYAN ABOUT IT LATER
txtequilanights: IN DETAIL
pearl_o: PROBABLY DURING BREAKFAST, ACTUALLY
txtequilanights: WITH VISUAL AIDS
pearl_o: Brendon probably also abuses similes to make his point. "Yeah, such-and-such is so great! It's like -- OKAY, you know what it's like? It's like when you see your boyfriend for the first time in a couple of weeks and you're so horny that you just drop to your knees in a public restroom and blow him right now, and he's fucking your mouth and pulling your hair, and it's so awesome you just come in your pants without even jerking off. It's just like that, you know, Ryan? OH WAIT. YOU DON'T. SORRY."
txtequilanights: YOU LIFE MUST BE SO BORING
pearl_o: AS LONG AS YOU'RE HAPPY, I GUESS
pearl_o: IT'S GREAT YOU'RE SO COMFORTABLE WITH WHO YOU ARE
txtequilanights: IF PUSSY IS ENOUGH FOR YOU, THEN I'M GLAD YOU'RE HAPPY
txtequilanights: WITHOUT PETE'S DICK
txtequilanights: WHILE I AM HAPPY WITH IT
pearl_o: TWICE A NIGHT
pearl_o: SOMETIMES THREE
txtequilanights: AND AT LEAST ONCE THE NEXT MORNING
txtequilanights: and you know, brendon has tried pussy, he can compare. ryan has not tried dick! he doesn't even KNOW!
pearl_o: god, it's so true.
pearl_o: DIDN'T YOU EVER READ GREEN EGGS AND HAM, RYAN?
pearl_o: BECAUSE IF NOT BRENDON CAN RECITE IT FROM MEMORY
txtequilanights: WITH BONUS POINTED LOOKS
pearl_o: WOULD YOU EAT IT WITH A FOX, RYAN?
pearl_o: BECAUSE PETE WENTZ IS A FOX.
pearl_o: BRENDON KNOWS
txtequilanights: BOY DOES HE EVER

(LJ-ify your IMs before pasting!)

Comments

[offtheceiling.livejournal.com]

A++++++++

JOIN THE CAUSE, PEOPLE. DON'T MAKE BRENDON AND PETE SAD. THEIR STRAIGHT BEST FRIENDS DO THAT ENOUGH.

[offtheceiling.livejournal.com]

Also, I kind of want to change my LJ name thing to "brendon's apple bottom is not amused"

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Dooooooooooooooooo it!

[offtheceiling.livejournal.com]

*doeeeeees*

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

YAY!

[raveninthewind.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

Pete so picked the wrong Panic! boy to date, didn't he? Brendon would have been so the better choice. *tinhats with gusto*

Apple bottom love FTW \o/

[miss-saigon.livejournal.com]

I approve of these shenanigans. Seriously, for about a week after the shirtless bowling pictures came out, it seemed like I might get my longed for Pete/Brendon stories, but no. People talked about it but nobody actually wrote any. It's tragic:(

[prettykitty-aya.livejournal.com]

pearl_o: WOULD YOU EAT IT WITH A FOX, RYAN?
pearl_o: BECAUSE PETE WENTZ IS A FOX.
pearl_o: BRENDON KNOWS
txtequilanights: BOY DOES HE EVER

okay, that?

is the best thing. EVER.

thank you.

[elucidate-this.livejournal.com]

Gay exception Brendon's ASS.
pearl_o: (except not. TRAGICALLY.)
txtequilanights: (woe)

*dies laughing*

yes. awesome.

[mrs-hopeless21.livejournal.com]

OMG XD
i seriously need to be in some of these conversations.
Me and fauxfashionista should join in on some occasions cuz we totally have conversations like this!

[shihadchick.livejournal.com]

*cannot. stop. giggling*

and ryan is so pissed! because... PETE WENTZ. HE IS THE ONLY PERSON ON RYAN'S GAY EXCEPTION LIST
AHAHHAA.

And the "during breakfast", and just- HEE. Yes. Totally.

[gigantic.livejournal.com]

pearl_o: WOULD YOU EAT IT WITH A FOX, RYAN?
pearl_o: BECAUSE PETE WENTZ IS A FOX.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OMG. Oh my god, I'm never going to stop laughing and rejoicing about this. Pete/Brendon, ftw, totally.

teaspoon and I have had conversations about how, because Pete often IMs with Ryan most, sometimes he ends up playing messenger between Pete and Brendon. Pete asks questions about whether or not Brendon wants to meet him before some event they're all going to be at, and Brendon tells Ryan to ask Pete if he should wear the pants with the easy snap instead of the button. Because, hey, priorities. Ryan studiously relays the message between his Sidekick and Brendon until he finally gets fed up, waving his hand around all huffy and saying, "Okay, look! Look. I'm not the booty call travel agent, coordinator, or whatever. Get on your phone and ask him about your snaps yourself."

And Brendon says that Ryan doesn't have to be so bitter and unpleasant about it. In fact, you know what often helps relieve Brendon's bad moods? Letting Pete Wentz blow him. Brendon tested and approved, it always work like a charm, and then sometimes they 69 and he and Pete both to get to find their happy endings at the same time.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Oh my GOD, yes. Yes yes yes yes yes. I want all of this! Poor go-between Ryan!

Brendon tells Ryan to ask Pete if he should wear the pants with the easy snap instead of the button. Because, hey, priorities.

Hilariously, this now has the image in my mind of Brendon wearing stripper pants a la Arrested Development. AWESOME.

[xsnarkasaurus.livejournal.com]

omg, i nearly spewed coffee, i was laughing so hard. and we MUST have Brendon/Pete sexyfuntimes now! We cannot make them sad!! Bad Ryan! Bad Patrick! no music for you!

...except not, 'cause that'd make them really grumpy, and would make Brendon and Pete even more sad, so just...yes. plz to not be being stupid. :D

[lovinspike247.livejournal.com]

PETE/BRENDON! \O/ There is nowhere near enought fic with those two. It makes my soul hurt, and my soul usually isn't so emo.

"Yeah, such-and-such is so great! It's like -- OKAY, you know what it's like? It's like when you see your boyfriend for the first time in a couple of weeks and you're so horny that you just drop to your knees in a public restroom and blow him right now, and he's fucking your mouth and pulling your hair, and it's so awesome you just come in your pants without even jerking off. It's just like that, you know, Ryan? OH WAIT. YOU DON'T. SORRY."


Guh and ahahahahahaha!

[ubixtiz.livejournal.com]

I just fell out of my chair laughing. And then I lay on the floor giggling for a while before getting up to read the rest of this. Even though the carpet was kind of scratchy on my chin.

[universeunfold.livejournal.com]

txtequilanights: Gay exception Brendon's ASS.

If I were a straight man, Brendon's ass would totally be my gay exception.

You two are hilarious. More Pete/Brendon!!

[seedyapartment.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..

For. The. Win.

[etben.livejournal.com]

YES.

—that's actually all that we have to say on the subject. We agree with this post!

[pau494.livejournal.com]

WHATEVER RYAN ROSS. WHATEVER. Have your boring heterosexual sex! BRENDON IS GOING TO GET A RIMJOB THAT LASTS AN HOUR FROM PETE WENTZ.

OH MY GOD. *laughs forever* There needs to be more Pete/Brendon in the world. Because seriously, Brendon's ASS. Hahahahahahahaha.

[vic-ramsey.livejournal.com]

txtequilanights: IF PUSSY IS ENOUGH FOR YOU, THEN I'M GLAD YOU'RE HAPPY
txtequilanights: WITHOUT PETE'S DICK

This should be the motto of ALL BANDSLASH!

[clumsygyrl.livejournal.com]

hahah. i think i scared my dog snorting out laughing.

[xanphibian.livejournal.com]

ilu. just. *sends waves of love and giggles*

[magdalyna.livejournal.com]

This is perfect.

[belladonnalin.livejournal.com]

*snicker*

After a kind of unimpressive day, I would like to say:

A++++++++ TO YOU BOTH!

[katienyc.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! You guys are AMAZING.

And why aren't people writing Pete/Brendon? People should feel free to write me fic about how Pete was Brendon's date for NYE last year. And how they double dated in Vegas with Ryan and Keltie. They gave us the half naked bowling pictures, WHAT MORE DO PEOPLE NEED?