i can *always* get dorkier

[schmerica]

Weekend, yay! I have many many tasks to attend to the next few days -- major cleaning, laundry, mailing out tax stuff, immunization forms, proof of registration for health insurance, an essay for medieval judaism -- so naturally I thought I would spend the afternoon laying about in bed and writing instead of working on any of that.

Apparently, though, I am meant to be even less productive than that plan would indicate, because instead of any real writing, I am just daydreaming about the imaginary vague-yet-appealing story in my head. In this case: medieval monk AU.

But, like, Fraser as novice, dedicating his life to God! In some vague way I haven't figured out -- because as this is a daydream, I skip the boring plotty points -- one of his duties comes to involve being in close proximity to or working with Ray (a lay brother? possibly an artisan or laboror?) for a long time. La la la, UST UST UST, Fraser trying to ignore his sinful worldly thoughts and return his mind to the glory of God, until eventually the whole thing comes to a head with a kiss. And then, oh, angst and penitence, so much! He tries to avoid Ray, but of course that won't work -- this must be a test for him, of course -- this is a trial for him, to prove he's worthy, that he can resist temptation, that he can keep his concentration and contemplation on the goodness and the suffering of Christ, not on these worldly and sensual sins.

But, of course, he won't. Blah blah blah capitulation, and then love-making, probably somewhere green and ridiculous and shaded and holy-feeling -- erotic joy isn't that different in some ways from intense religious joy, and as it's happening it feels right and beautiful and glorious to him. It's only afterwards that Fraser realizes that he has now turned away from God, that the divine presence has left him, that he is without it for the first time in his life.

But he has made his decision now, and he has Ray, and that will have to be enough, even if he mourns what he's lost. Each kiss and hidden touch will have to be that much the sweeter.

And then at the end I suppose he would have to leave the monastery and do ... something. Although I suppose Ray probably would have to die at some point -- it's the classic thing to do, really -- so it's possible Fraser should stay and shut himself off from the world and end up taking his vows.

Mmmm. I bet Fraser should have a really special relationship with the Virgin Mary, too. And there should be manuscripts somewhere. Because I like manuscripts.

Comments

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

You are strange. Write it! Though I'm all for Ray and Fraser going off to the wilds of, er, ummmmm (tries to think what constitutes as wilds in medieval UK, fails, unless you count a moor somewhere, and even there you get sheep) and living happily ever after. Yes! Shepherds or summat! Go on, you know you want to....

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Oh, see, when I'm playing around with it in my head, it all goes downhill from there. Because even setting aside any sort of social considerations, I don't think Fraser is really a character who can give up everything he believes in for love and get a happy ending out of that.

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

Oh, lord, write it! Ray could be the village mason or miller, and part of Fraser's responsibilities is to oversee his work for the monastery. Or summat.

(But may I weigh in with a plea for Ray not to die at the end? I'd love to see them working together, growing old together... ::basks in sentimental glow::)

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Oh, dude, but writing it would mean, like, research. And plotting. And not skipping over the dull parts. And actually writing. I like it better this way. All the good bits in my head without any work!

[beledibabe.livejournal.com]

Right, then you won't mind if I co-opt the good bits too...

Mmmm, Fraser peeking out of the greenery, watching a sweaty, flour-covered Ray strip and jump into the mill pond...

Ray bumping up against Fraser by the mill wheel, grabbing his arm so he doesn't fall into the race, pulling him tightly against his chest with a jerk...

[proserpina-kore.livejournal.com]

Ray (a lay brother? possibly an artisan or laboror?)

ooooh, a labourer/gardener, Lady Chatterley like... Lots of totin' hay, gold skin glowing in the sunlight...

But he's smart, and helps Fraser with the manuscript thing even though he can't read.

And - please don't kill our Ray - maybe have us think he's been killed and Fraser has lost everything, but they find each other again (after not too long a time) and love conquers all.

ah hem.

Sorry, got a bit carried away there.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

For all my fluffy tendencies, my daydreams are apparently more angsty than many peoples'. Heh. See my response to kabukivice above -- honestly, I think Ray dying really is the comparatively happy ending here. My whole premise is set up around the angst and wrongness and tension here. *g*

[proserpina-kore.livejournal.com]

Well, if you insist on killing him, could you at least bring him back as a ghost?

(They call people like me diehard romantics for a reason you know.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

*grins* Dude, I'm not actually writing it, you know? Far be it for me to dictate other people's imaginations.

[proserpina-kore.livejournal.com]

Damn.

I was hoping that you'd get so into the discussion that you'd think you were writing it, and then there'd be more wonderful Fraser/Kowalski goodness for me to pore over.

::wanders off in a haze of haunted-by-Ray imaginings::

[janet-carter.livejournal.com]

But, see, and I'm not trying to advocate mpreg here, but maybe if Ray came back from the not-actually-dead with a child that he and Fraser had to raise together? Because Fraser might switch over from duty-to-the-monastery to duty-to-family less angstily than giving up the life of contemplation for sex, but he'd get all the sex and happiness too, as a nice side effect! OK, it's a little soap opera-y, especially once I start trying to come up with non-mpreg reasons that Ray and Fraser are responsible for a child, but it could work...

[rjm-257.livejournal.com]

What if Ray already had the child? Is wife (The inestimable Stella) died during childbirth and he was left to raise the child... while everyone thinks he's dead, Fraser takes responsibility of the child and vows to raise it as his own.

Everyone else thinks it's because he and Ray were friends, but he knows it's because the child is his last momento of Ray.

When Ray comes back, Fraser has managed to make this vow of duty before the vow of his church... and even though Ray is alive and capable of caring for the child on his own, Fraser still leaves with them, telling everyone else it's his duty, the one he choose first. Or something.

(That was entirely too much thought for a story that will never be written. But it was fun.)

[aerye.livejournal.com]

I bet Fraser should have a really special relationship with the Virgin Mary, too.

I have to giggle because, well, duhhhh!

You have a lovely dorky mind. I smooch you.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

I have to giggle because, well, duhhhh!

*grins* This was actually the daydream going through my head all through my art history class today -- I bless whatever skill allows me to listen to lecture and take notes and think about this at the same time -- and I'm pretty sure it was actually one of the 12th century "Virgin and Child" pieces that got the ball rolling. I don't know if my mind really is set up that scarily now [Virgin and Child, check ----> mother issues, check ----> Fraser, mmmmmmm, check ----> various unrelated digressions, check] but by the time we had moved on several times and reached the architecture of abbey cloisters, the whole scenario was unfolding and making me happy.

(Maybe it was just a matter of my brain deciding I really hadn't been obsessive enough yet today? Hard to say.)

And, huzzah! I smooch you in return.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Also, I bet he could have, like, visions and stuff of her, little quiet ones all through his life -- it'd be the perfect place for the weird Fraser blurry reality in this universe. Plus it would add to the pain even more when he loses that, making the loss even more tangible and personal when he chooses Ray.

It's possible I'm thinking about this too much.

[aerye.livejournal.com]

::g:: Possibly. But yes, I think he would, and of course losing the visions would be like losing his mother again, a double-blow.

Of course, in my twisted little head, the relationship is partly maternal, partly erotic, part and parcel of the erotic intensity of religious fervor, so maybe not so little and quiet in my neck of the woods.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

::g:: Possibly. But yes, I think he would, and of course losing the visions would be like losing his mother again, a double-blow.

Mmmmmm, yes. Definitely.

And, yeah, I agree with you even further on the erotic element -- oh, medieval mysticism! You are so fascinating with your lack of what we now would think of as appropriate boundaries!

By little and quiet, though, I mostly meant that I think it would be a very private thing for Fraser -- I don't think he'd have seizures in front of anybody and write down his experiences and preach about it, etc; I think it would be a private devotion.