i can *always* get dorkier
18/2/05 15:58![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
schmericaWeekend, yay! I have many many tasks to attend to the next few days -- major cleaning, laundry, mailing out tax stuff, immunization forms, proof of registration for health insurance, an essay for medieval judaism -- so naturally I thought I would spend the afternoon laying about in bed and writing instead of working on any of that.
Apparently, though, I am meant to be even less productive than that plan would indicate, because instead of any real writing, I am just daydreaming about the imaginary vague-yet-appealing story in my head. In this case: medieval monk AU.
But, like, Fraser as novice, dedicating his life to God! In some vague way I haven't figured out -- because as this is a daydream, I skip the boring plotty points -- one of his duties comes to involve being in close proximity to or working with Ray (a lay brother? possibly an artisan or laboror?) for a long time. La la la, UST UST UST, Fraser trying to ignore his sinful worldly thoughts and return his mind to the glory of God, until eventually the whole thing comes to a head with a kiss. And then, oh, angst and penitence, so much! He tries to avoid Ray, but of course that won't work -- this must be a test for him, of course -- this is a trial for him, to prove he's worthy, that he can resist temptation, that he can keep his concentration and contemplation on the goodness and the suffering of Christ, not on these worldly and sensual sins.
But, of course, he won't. Blah blah blah capitulation, and then love-making, probably somewhere green and ridiculous and shaded and holy-feeling -- erotic joy isn't that different in some ways from intense religious joy, and as it's happening it feels right and beautiful and glorious to him. It's only afterwards that Fraser realizes that he has now turned away from God, that the divine presence has left him, that he is without it for the first time in his life.
But he has made his decision now, and he has Ray, and that will have to be enough, even if he mourns what he's lost. Each kiss and hidden touch will have to be that much the sweeter.
And then at the end I suppose he would have to leave the monastery and do ... something. Although I suppose Ray probably would have to die at some point -- it's the classic thing to do, really -- so it's possible Fraser should stay and shut himself off from the world and end up taking his vows.
Mmmm. I bet Fraser should have a really special relationship with the Virgin Mary, too. And there should be manuscripts somewhere. Because I like manuscripts.
Apparently, though, I am meant to be even less productive than that plan would indicate, because instead of any real writing, I am just daydreaming about the imaginary vague-yet-appealing story in my head. In this case: medieval monk AU.
But, like, Fraser as novice, dedicating his life to God! In some vague way I haven't figured out -- because as this is a daydream, I skip the boring plotty points -- one of his duties comes to involve being in close proximity to or working with Ray (a lay brother? possibly an artisan or laboror?) for a long time. La la la, UST UST UST, Fraser trying to ignore his sinful worldly thoughts and return his mind to the glory of God, until eventually the whole thing comes to a head with a kiss. And then, oh, angst and penitence, so much! He tries to avoid Ray, but of course that won't work -- this must be a test for him, of course -- this is a trial for him, to prove he's worthy, that he can resist temptation, that he can keep his concentration and contemplation on the goodness and the suffering of Christ, not on these worldly and sensual sins.
But, of course, he won't. Blah blah blah capitulation, and then love-making, probably somewhere green and ridiculous and shaded and holy-feeling -- erotic joy isn't that different in some ways from intense religious joy, and as it's happening it feels right and beautiful and glorious to him. It's only afterwards that Fraser realizes that he has now turned away from God, that the divine presence has left him, that he is without it for the first time in his life.
But he has made his decision now, and he has Ray, and that will have to be enough, even if he mourns what he's lost. Each kiss and hidden touch will have to be that much the sweeter.
And then at the end I suppose he would have to leave the monastery and do ... something. Although I suppose Ray probably would have to die at some point -- it's the classic thing to do, really -- so it's possible Fraser should stay and shut himself off from the world and end up taking his vows.
Mmmm. I bet Fraser should have a really special relationship with the Virgin Mary, too. And there should be manuscripts somewhere. Because I like manuscripts.
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(no subject)
19/2/05 23:41 (UTC)Mmmmmm, yes. Definitely.
And, yeah, I agree with you even further on the erotic element -- oh, medieval mysticism! You are so fascinating with your lack of what we now would think of as appropriate boundaries!
By little and quiet, though, I mostly meant that I think it would be a very private thing for Fraser -- I don't think he'd have seizures in front of anybody and write down his experiences and preach about it, etc; I think it would be a private devotion.