wilby wonderful flavored spammage

[schmerica]

I realize I am the hardcore Queen of the LJ Spam today, but whatever, this is my last post of the day, I promise. But I have a question of the utmost importance to pose to all you people, and I ask this with all due seriousness:

What does a girl have to do to get some damn Duck/Dan making out to read?

Seriously, what? Human sacrifices? Heathen rituals? Batting my eyelashes and looking cute? I AM WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES.

Comments

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

Nancy is making a livejournal post later to talk about HOW COMMITTED I AM TO PORN. because i told her how to fix her story!


have ray snarl, "shut UP, Fraser. Shut up!" and flip them over so he's holding Fraser down.

And he knows that Fraser has at least thirty pound of subcutaneous fat on him, that Fraser could flip them over at any moment, and that makes it even better, because Fraser is *submitting*

Fraser shuts up, real fast, and Ray says, "Thank fucking CHRIST," and kisses him, hard, fast, bruising.

And Fraser doesn't know where to put his hands, so Ray takes his hands, presses their hips together to keep his balance, puts one of Fraser's hands in his hair and the other on his ass, twists a little to grind their erections together, and kisses him again.

Fraser would pant, "Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray," and Ray would be like, "I told you to SHUT UP, Fraser, just SHUT UP, just fucking RELAX," and Fraser would be like, "Ray, YOU shut up, if you don't stop fucking doing that --"
and Ray pulls away, and says, "Did you just say fuck?"

And Fraser says, "YES, Ray, I do know how to cuss," and Ray says, "it ain't cussing," and Fraser says, "YOU shut up now -- just -- just SHUT UP." and pulls his mouth back down and pushes one of his hands between their bodies and slids it into Ray's jeans, and Ray jerks against him and comes on his hands, and then Fraser comes in his pants.

*g*

the end.




I am a Y!M PORN DEMON!!!!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

...I thought Nancy's problem was that *Ray* wouldn't shut up, but whatever, I don't care, because EEEEEEE.

Is it odd that the phrase "porn demon" makes me think "speed demon" in my head? Obviously you need a nice shiny convertible to zip around in, providing porn to the masses.

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

I would LOVE a nice shiny car to zip around in!

I actually don't know which of them won't shut up, but it works well either way, if you just flip the names around. Of course, with Fraser over Ray, it's Fraser making Ray submit and Ray fighting him and struggling and then Fraser biting his neck until he goes limp and starts whining and --

Well. I think we can all use our imaginations.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Mmmmmm. Imagination.

(I bet Fraser has a very vivid imagination. All those books and solitude and blah blah blah. It probably goes along with his longer attention span.)

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

I love Fraser's long attention span. Could you imagine having all that attention focused on you? I bet someone like Ray would get very impatient and start squirming around and would have to be tied up to make him keep still.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Or, alternatively, it could feed right back into the scenario you gave Nancy.

Ray squirms very nicely, though. He's all ... lanky.

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

Mmmmlanky.

*wanders off into daydreams*

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Mmm, yes. And Fraser could just push Ray onto his back and straddle him to keep him still, too, I suppose. And look down at every part of Ray's body, and how Ray shivers when Fraser brushes his fingertips against his arm like that, and how the muscles in Ray's belly tighten when Fraser does this, and exactly how Ray squirms, and where, and which parts of him react.

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

And Ray would be all squirmy and yelling and "Fraser! Fraser, do not touch me there! That is not a touching place! That isn't a place where people touch for sex! Do not touch me there! Do not -- don't lick that! Fraser, stop licking my toes! Eeee! Stop! Stop! Tickles! Stop! Don't lick my foot! Quit it!"

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Fraser! Fraser, do not touch me there! That is not a touching place!

Heeeeeeee.

And then Ray finally manages to get an arm free and yanks on Fraser's hair to pull his head up, and Fraser gives him that same mildly confused/reprimanded puppy look (http://pearlo.illuminatedtext.com/images/bdthpuppy.jpg) from when Ray's telling him not to lick electrical sockets in BDtH.

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

And Ray says, "This is a sex thing, Fraser," and Fraser is scandalized, and he says, "Ray, I thought we -- were. Ah." And Ray says, "Spit it out, Fraser," and Fraser says, "Well, obviously I was wrong, but --" and then Ray kisses him.

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

Also, I love the puppy look. So it could go in any other direction too! Like Ray looks at the puppy look and says, "Aw, Fraser, don't look at me like that! Fine, go ahead, go ahead, but if I kick you in the head accidentally because you're sucking on my knee, that is your fault, do we have an understanding?" and Fraser says, "Understood, Ray," and bends his head again.


It's not my fault that my first reaction is to take things to angstastic, heart-breaking places. *g*

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

It's not my fault that my first reaction is to take things to angstastic, heart-breaking places. *g*

Hee. Whose fault IS IT, then? Hmmmmm?

I find myself liking both your scenarios equally, though. It's like choose your own adventure, with porn!

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA! OMG, that is what this fandom needs: Choose Your Own Adventure Porn!

In one story, it ends with them dying. In the next, they live happily ever after in a Canadian shack. In the next, they hold each other and cry. In the next, they rape and kill each other. In the next, Ray smokes too much and Fraser cusses. In the next, there's actually a scene with Dief. *g* It would be overwhelming!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

You park in front of the consulate to drop Fraser off. Instead of opening the door and leaving the car, however, Fraser surprises you by setting down his Stetson and giving you a long French kiss.

If you want to pop Fraser in the jaw, turn to page 56.

If you want to babble stupidly about your ex-wife, turn to page 93.

If you decide to blow Fraser right there in the GTO, turn to page 14.

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

You and Ray are arguing about a case, because Ray is, as usual, being thickheaded and refusing to listen to a logical point. Ray is yelling and banging his fists on desks. Lieutenant Welsh catches your eye from across the room and glares at you, and you nod slightly, then pull Ray steer Ray's rage out of the squad room and into the supply closet.

You turn on the light. Ray is still yelling, but now he's yelling at your face -- " -- so stupid, Fraser, so fucking stupid, you gotta trust me on this one, it's the --" and you stare at him, cataloguing his blood pressure and his heart rate and the dilation of his pupils, the ragged growth of stubble on his cheeks, the flush on his forehead.

If you want to kiss Ray, turn to page 42.

If you want to step back and tell Ray to behave logically, turn to page 89.

If you want to continue to stare at Ray until he pops you in the jaw, turn to page 46.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

After a long and frustrating discussion, Ray has just popped you in the jaw. He stares at you blankly, his body still in his angry, offensive posture.

If you want to punch Ray in return, turn to page 12.

If you want to logically inform Ray of the failures of violence as a problem-solving method, turn to page 34.

If you want to wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and walk away without another word, turn to page 29.

If you want to push Ray against the nearest flat surface and have your way with him, turn to page 56.

Page 56:

Your Fraser is hopelessly out of character. Also, you are a pervert. Turn back to page 1 to start a new adventure.

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

You take a step back. You have rang Ray's doorbell. You have knocked on Ray's door. It's possible that Ray has a head injury -- for some reason, he hasn't seemed to acclimate the way the first Ray Vecchio did, acclimate to jumping off buildings and leaping out of exploding cars.

You take a step back and are prepared to kick your way through the door and...

If Ray swings open the door and stands there, leaning against the doorframe in sweatpants and no shirt, turn to page 31.

If you kick open the door and charge into Ray's apartment to save him from a concussion-induced coma, turn to page 42.

If Ray is behind you, laughing at you, turn to page 78.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Heeee. But this one doesn't have a choice for Ray to pop you in the jaw! I thought that was, like, a requirement for each page.

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA.

How about THIS:


This is it -- you and Fraser are gonna catch those bastards, he's almost there, and you're running, running, running, shit, shouldn't've snuck that cigarette after lunch. And then one has a gun, and another has a gun, and Fraser doesn't have a fucking gun, all he's got is a fucking string, this ain't the way it's all supposed to go down --

If you pull out your gun and start shooting, even though you're not wearing your glasses, turn to page 152.

If you trip over a tree branch and fall, turn to page 92.

If you look up and Fraser has subduded the criminals while you were trying to figure out what to do, turn to page 21.


Page 152:

Oops! You shot Fraser by mistake, and live out your life in misery knowing that you accidentally killed your best friend. Return to page 1 to start a new adventure!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Heeeeeeeeeee. That's perfect. I bet on the page it would have a little sad illustation of you standing in front of Fraser's tombstone, too.

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

Also?

Page 56:

Your Fraser is hopelessly out of character. Also, you are a pervert. Turn back to page 1 to start a new adventure.

BEST EVER.

You win at choose your own adventure!

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

Page 14:

You toss Fraser's Stetson into the back seat, make sure the car is in park and the emergency break is on, and then you unbuckle your seatbelt and lean over Fraser's lap. You have some trouble unbuttoning, unbuckling, and unzipping his pants, but when he tries to help, you slap his hands away. And finally, you've got his cock in your hands and in your mouth and down your throat and it's everything you ever wanted.

Turn to page 49 (http://www.livejournal.com/users/pearl_o/505947.html?replyto=3476571) to see what happens next...

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Oooh, clever! You, like, tied them together! *easily impressed*

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

...Tied the different entries together. Not Ray and Fraser. Though I'm sure you could do that, too.