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schmerica(Note: I have not seen Serenity and am completely unspoiled for it and wish to remain so; this is based completely on the Firefly series.)
And I can hate your girl
I can tell you that she's real pretty
I can take my clothes off
I cannot fall in love
This is the question: is it cheating for River to win?
River can win. River knows how. River's brain is full of helpful things, now that they have sliced it open and fiddled with it until she screams.
When she was small, her mother told her she should not show off. River did not understand this then, but she does now. River understands lots of things now. There is no fun in being crushed, not for the crusher or the one being crushed.
When River steals apples and plays tag and plays jacks, she plays like a real girl. Or as close to a real girl as she can manage.
Kaylee wins at jacks, and she crows with victory. River wrinkles her nose back at her, and makes a face.
"Winner, winner, winner," Kaylee sings. "Loser, loser, loser."
"No consquence," River says. "I'll win next time."
"Sure you will, sweetie-pie," Kaylee says smugly.
River rolls her eyes and wanders off as Kaylee cleans up.
Simon is in the infirmary. River hates the infirmary; it smells like blood and hate and death and blue hands. But right now she is not the one sick. It is Simon, Simon with a hole in his leg, Simon who is now incomplete because of her.
She sits in the chair next to Simon and watches him for a while; he is sleeping, drugged, away from the pain. Dreaming. Good dreams. Dreams from before she ruined things.
If she had left, Simon would have been free. Simon could have sat with Kaylee with her feet in his lap. He could have kissed her and touched her and...
River leaves Simon and the infirmary and goes down to the bunks. She passes Inara, and then Book, and then Jayne; none of them take anymore notice of her than if she were a ghost.
In Simon's bunk River takes off all her clothes until they are a pile on Simon's floor. That is one part of River, crumpled in a bundle, all alone. The other part of River crawls into Simon's bed and covers herself with his blanket.
River needs Simon, and Simon will take care of her. She trumps all. It would have been better for everybody, maybe, if River had managed to take herself out of the game, but she tried that and it didn't work.
River wins, like she wins everything, like cheating. It's not real. River wins, but it doesn't feel like winning.
River curls up further in Simon's bed; it smells like Simon and safety and hope and River wonders how long it will last and wishes Simon was here, too, whole again, complete and perfect and free.
And I can hate your girl
I can tell you that she's real pretty
I can take my clothes off
I cannot fall in love
This is the question: is it cheating for River to win?
River can win. River knows how. River's brain is full of helpful things, now that they have sliced it open and fiddled with it until she screams.
When she was small, her mother told her she should not show off. River did not understand this then, but she does now. River understands lots of things now. There is no fun in being crushed, not for the crusher or the one being crushed.
When River steals apples and plays tag and plays jacks, she plays like a real girl. Or as close to a real girl as she can manage.
Kaylee wins at jacks, and she crows with victory. River wrinkles her nose back at her, and makes a face.
"Winner, winner, winner," Kaylee sings. "Loser, loser, loser."
"No consquence," River says. "I'll win next time."
"Sure you will, sweetie-pie," Kaylee says smugly.
River rolls her eyes and wanders off as Kaylee cleans up.
Simon is in the infirmary. River hates the infirmary; it smells like blood and hate and death and blue hands. But right now she is not the one sick. It is Simon, Simon with a hole in his leg, Simon who is now incomplete because of her.
She sits in the chair next to Simon and watches him for a while; he is sleeping, drugged, away from the pain. Dreaming. Good dreams. Dreams from before she ruined things.
If she had left, Simon would have been free. Simon could have sat with Kaylee with her feet in his lap. He could have kissed her and touched her and...
River leaves Simon and the infirmary and goes down to the bunks. She passes Inara, and then Book, and then Jayne; none of them take anymore notice of her than if she were a ghost.
In Simon's bunk River takes off all her clothes until they are a pile on Simon's floor. That is one part of River, crumpled in a bundle, all alone. The other part of River crawls into Simon's bed and covers herself with his blanket.
River needs Simon, and Simon will take care of her. She trumps all. It would have been better for everybody, maybe, if River had managed to take herself out of the game, but she tried that and it didn't work.
River wins, like she wins everything, like cheating. It's not real. River wins, but it doesn't feel like winning.
River curls up further in Simon's bed; it smells like Simon and safety and hope and River wonders how long it will last and wishes Simon was here, too, whole again, complete and perfect and free.
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(no subject)
15/7/05 02:23 (UTC)(no subject)
15/7/05 02:29 (UTC)(no subject)
15/7/05 02:28 (UTC)(no subject)
15/7/05 02:30 (UTC)This icon is almost appropriate? Odd! And in space!
15/7/05 02:59 (UTC)I like the double meaning there, Simon who is now incomplete because of her. Very characteristic of River.
The little pieces of it keep sliding as I reread bits, so I have to go read the whole thing through again now. Very nice.
Re: This icon is almost appropriate? Odd! And in space!
15/7/05 05:03 (UTC)(no subject)
15/7/05 11:29 (UTC)Oh, man, Erica. That's just... that's so...
You're awesome.
You make me happy.
And yay for you.
(no subject)
15/7/05 17:55 (UTC)*misses you like whoa*
(no subject)
15/7/05 22:23 (UTC)(no subject)
16/7/05 18:47 (UTC)