it's like a happily ever after, sort of

[schmerica]

fox1013 is mocking me. Just because I told her I was in the kind of mood where I just wanted to read a nice long story that fits some of my kinks! Like maybe something with Fraser and Kowalski together in Canada, ten years post-CotW. (That would be this CKR in my head, of course). And Dief is still around, but he's getting old, so he spends a lot of time just lying in his bed in the corner of the room. And Fraser is dying of something slow and unyielding like cancer, and Vecchio comes up to visit him for what's probably the last time. And Vecchio and Fraser would have lots of long talks over tea and coffee about things, and Fraser would be weirdly calm and just nostalgic and stuff. And Ray Kowalski would be in a permanently snarly, ornery mood whenever Vecchio sees him, just angry, and trying to take care of Fraser and pretend nothing's changed at the same time. I don't know that Vecchio would be able to see any of the softness, the big mushy center under Kowalski's shell where he's horribly, painfully in love with Fraser; if he does, it would be a brief glimpse, and it would be by accident, and it'd be one of those things that are so intimate you're embarrassed.

Number of people besides me I estimate would be interested in this story: maybe three? At most? Heh.

I don't know why I'm not up to writing any of the stories I want to read, man. If I'm not able to do that, at least I should have a minion to write things for me, right? Right!

(Contrary to Fox's assumption, this is me in an EXCELLENT mood.)

Comments

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Um ... (*waving hand wildly*) -- you know I would be one of those three, right? On this story like white on rice is what I'd be.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Oh, Kat! You were the FIRST PERSON in my estimate, darling. If anyone would appreciate this, it would be you. <3.

[katallison.livejournal.com]

*beams*

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

As matter of fact, while this is existing only as perfect id wallowing imaginings, you're one of the people I can see as author, because I can imagine you doing it perfect justice.

*sigh* Oh, Fraser! Oh, Rays!

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Yes! You're elected to write it!

[minervacat.livejournal.com]

DID YOU COUNT ME IN YOUR ESTIMATE OF THREE PEOPLE? because i would TOTALLY read that story right now. instead i'm making do with epic jack/daniel h/c fic in sg-1, and none of them quite scratch the same itch that that story would scratch. GOD WHY DOES THAT STORY NOT EXIST.

now i'm going to be all cranky all night because i can't read that story. MAN.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

I did not include you in my estimate, but I will now!

I am sorry I made you cranky. I try to get over the being annoyed it doesn't exist by twirling it around in my head over and over. It's not the same, but it's still vaguely satisfying.

[minervacat.livejournal.com]

well, i have found the motherload of jack/daniel h/c badfic, which will keep me amused and occupied for a while, but after that, i'm totally going to lie on the couch and contemplate your story. i really feel that it couldn't be done justice in less than, oh, 40 or 50,00 words, and that thought alone makes it a sort of happy place to twirl around for a while.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Seriously, this is the best fodder for wallowing I've come across in a long time. Sigh!

[c-regalis.livejournal.com]

Fraser is dying of something slow and unyielding like cancer
...
Contrary to Fox's assumption, this is me in an EXCELLENT mood

Dear Pearl,

please, please, don't ever be an an less that excellent mood.

Also: *CRIES*

Alsoalso: Dammit, it does sound kind of lovely.

Love,
c

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Heeeee. Actually, a lot of the time when I am in a cranky mood, I want fluffy porn to cheer me up, you know? I am complicated like that!

[c-regalis.livejournal.com]

Well, in this case... DAMMIT, it does sound lovely. Kind of.

*is torn*

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

Darling, I love you a lot.

Maybe someday? Your excellent mood will translate to fic where people are happy, rather than dying.

Maybe you could incorporate Muppets!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

...Sometimes I write happy things! Often I am cute and fluffy!

[riverlight.livejournal.com]

Oh, no no no, my friend, I'd definitely be interested in that story. Granted, it'd break my heart in teeny tiny little bits, but if it were well written? I'd be all over that. I read a similar fic back in Smallville fandom that was like that, and lord, it nearly killed me, but in such a good way!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm, wallowing.

[riverlight.livejournal.com]

Exactly. If I'm having a bad day, well, surely the characters in the fic are having worse, and it's some comfort...

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Why would it matter to you if the audience is small? Anyway, I bet more people would read it than you think. (I would.)

It annoys me when people post these story summaries instead of WRITING THE DAMN STORY. Because it takes me five seconds to read your post, which compared to the long wallow I'd have reading the story is incredibly unsatisfying. And because I have noticed that when people post stuff like this it seems to satisfy their urge to talk about their kink, and therefore, the really nifty story idea never gets written. Sob.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Why would it matter to you if the audience is small? Anyway, I bet more people would read it than you think. (I would.)

It doesn't, actually, when it's a story I'm actually going to write.

It annoys me when people post these story summaries instead of WRITING THE DAMN STORY. Because it takes me five seconds to read your post, which compared to the long wallow I'd have reading the story is incredibly unsatisfying. And because I have noticed that when people post stuff like this it seems to satisfy their urge to talk about their kink, and therefore, the really nifty story idea never gets written. Sob.

Honestly, the thing is, I only do posts like this when it's a story I am 95% sure I am never going to write anyway. If I thought there was any chance I would write this story, I would be keeping the idea close to my chest forever until the very instant I am ready to post. Summaries like this are things that I know I'm not going to write, but think are still interesting to discuss or think about (or, theoretically, make other people want to write it for me, except not really).

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Which is why I sob!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Sorry!

[aerye.livejournal.com]

I'm guessing I don't have to say this, but you know I'm on the list, right? I'm so on the list. Me and the list are like this.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

*sigh* I am just wallowing around in my imagination, dude. I think RayK might be resentful that Vecchio was even there, that kind of selfish wanting to keep Fraser to himself -- and that on top of the fact he'd be dealing with the situation by being a jerk, anyway.

(The jerkiness is the outer layer of the schmoopiest F/K relationship I've ever imagined, I swear, all love and need and hidden tenderness and protection. Between that and the F-V friendship nostalgia, no wonder I am enjoying this as perfect wallow fodder.)

[aerye.livejournal.com]

I am just wallowing around in my imagination, dude.

I have no idea what you're talking about. Posting ideas in your LJ for stories you never intend to write? This is a totally foreign idea to me...

::koff::

Absolutely, I agree--I think Kowalski would see any time with Vecchio as time not with him. And yeah, the jerkier you make him, the more the inner layer has to be soft and tender. And Fraser would understand--he wouldn't even reprimand Kowalski for sniping at Vecchio, I don't think. He wants Vecchio there, yes, and wants to say goodbye, but he understands that this is the way Kowalski is grieving and Kowalski's right to grieve overrides Vecchio's comfort.

And so it's all so fraught! And Vecchio probably doesn't get a glimpse of what's underneath until the end, until he's leaving, until it's too late to try to offer anything to Kowalski.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Mmmm, yes, exactly like that. To Kowalski, it'd be like -- Vecchio is losing a friend, yeah, but he's losing his whole freaking life. And even if Vecchio did manage to get a glimpse of that, it's not like there is anything he could really do. When it's just Kowalski and Fraser, there might be crying or breaking stuff or bodily contact, but none of that would happen with Vecchio there.

[kimberlyfdr.livejournal.com]

I would SO love to read this. It fits into one of my kinks, too.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

I seem to have infected a good number of people with craving for this now. Alas.

[lorem_ipsum]

Oh, I so want to read that!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Sigh. Me too!

[justbreathe80.livejournal.com]

OH! I would SO read that, because I kind of like when it hurts (hee!), despite how much I freak out at aerye about not breaking them. I would be your minion, I would! I just don't think I could write that much angst and pain. I like them fucking and happy.

Wait, do Ray and Ray end up together?

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Wait, do Ray and Ray end up together?

Um, NO WAY! *looks at you askance* Why would you even bring up such a thing?

In my head, the Vecchio in this would still be with Stella, but I suppose it would work even if he was single. But -- F/K! Losing the love of your life! No Ray/Ray, bah.

(Hee.)

[china_shop]

And you call me mean!! You want to give Fraser cancer?!

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Wait, that's worse than Ray/Ray fucking on his grave?

[ekaterinverse.livejournal.com]

I have been devouring your LJ, and feeling like a stalker, so hi. I fell for dS about amonth ago and all my friends think I'm crazy for being all about this Canadian show from ten years ago, but fuck them, this is LOVE, people.
But I have to know: what happens to Ray after Fraser (nonononono) dies? I can so see him walking out into the snow, bareheaded and without gloves, and just disappearing into the snow.
And maybe, if you wait thru the credits, you see the bonus scene where aged Dief goes after him and finds him on his knees and herds him back to the cabin.
O my goodness this is so emotional porn.
THANKS! You made my (looong) night!