prison for jerks

oh dear. did it get worse? It was only at six pages of distressing when I went to work and then I didn't read it, 'cause, uh, I talk to dumb people all day and nothing is helped by me being all *grr* at them over people in fandom being dumb and icky.

paaaaaaatrick stump, I want to bite your arms. And write lots of porn where everyone is over at the Fortress of Bachelortude and Gerard is telling Patrick allllll about Warhammer and how it is awesome and showing off his tiny figurines and Patrick is making ??? face at him and so is Bob and Frankie laughs like a crazy person at how they have matching expressions and Ray is in the background with a pad of paper that says, "WoW = WIN" and "For the Horde" and "Oh god, patrick, don't listen to Gerard or else he will not stop talking about this and we will have to put up with it in the studio tomorrow please please for the love of god, pretend pete is calling you" and it gets to really small text by the end and then the next page just has stick figure drawings of a person with a crazy afro being eaten by sharks -- Patrick can tell because the stick figure shark has a fin -- and a diagram of how Warhammer is lame, no, really, LAME and Gerard doesn't even turn around before he says, kind of snippily, "It is not lame and your shark sucks." and then Ray cuddles him in apology.

...and maybe then there is an orgy.

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It got way worse! I was sad. There is one comment where somebody is like "sorry, chubby guys just aren't my kink" (emphasis mine). Because it is so WEIRD to be attracted to anybody who isn't STICK THIN that it is a KINK. A KINK. WHAT.

Also, I love your brain so much. SHARKS AND CUDDLES YAY.

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:((((

I. I don't even understand people. 'Cause okay, I'm not saying I don't find the skinny boys attractive -- god, knows, there are plenty of them who make me go HOW YOU DOIN'? -- but mostly what I look for in...uh, anyone I want to hit it with is, "Does this person look fragile, y/n?" and if the answer is yes, then NO SEXYTIMES. Because you know, apparently, what turns me on is sturdiness. OH BABY. Pete Wentz? Sturdy. Pretty much all of FOB = sturdy. Ray/Bob/Gerard = sturdy (Mikey and Frank are pretty! but oh god, I'm so afraid they'd *break*). And like, I feel about Ryan Ross the way I feel about Keira Knightley which is pretty much, "EAT A CHEESEBURGER FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, HOW AREN'T YOU DEAD FROM MALNUTRITIION?" Um.

Anyway. I just. Yeah, I'm like, "Oh Patrick Stump, you have the arms of a 19t century woman, come to me, baby, I will rock your world!" And I love ridiculous emo hair Bob, but I love ridiculous viking Bob even more. This is probably more than you ever needed to know about What I Find Hot In Boys.

And okay, so, Mikey and Ray are all despairing because Gerard is totally seducing the Fortress of Bachelortude into Warhammer instead of Warcrack, I mean Warcraft, so they launch this campaign to hide Gerard's Warhammer stuff and he stalks into the studio one day and gives them this GLARE and is like, "I am holding your guitar hostage, Ray," and Ray is all puzzled because, "I'm holding my guitar, Gerard." "AFTER. I am holding your guitar hostage AFTER recording. Make a note of that, okay?" and he hands Ray a piece of paper that says, "You owe me one [1] guitar until my figures are returned to me." And he glares at Mikey too and says, "I replaced your coffee with decaf."

Meanwhile, Bob is texting Patrick with, "band = crazy ppl" and Patrick texts back with "you are my alibi" (patrick hates looking for punctuation when he texts anyone) and Bob is all, "??" and patrick says, "when I kill pete." and Bob texts back, "ok - chinese tonight?" and patrick texts back, "yes please. i'll blow you in the kitchen." And then Bob is all :D and it kind of creeps everyone out when he's all beamy like that.

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*giggles* I have heard some of your thoughts on sturdiness before, but not in such depth. ♥

ALSO AWWWWW GERARD. You are the STEALTHIEST, baby.

And Bob! And Patrick! Frank is all under his breath to Ray "why is he doing that thing with his face?" Ray: "What, smiling?" Frank: "yeah!" Ray: "*frown* I don't know, but it's weird."

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well, you know, sturdy boys can like, TILL THE EARTH and stuff. Ooh, ooh, and survive the apocalypse! (This is clearly a lie in Bob's case, as Bob would like, get a papercut in the first five minutes of the apocalypse, refuse to tell anyone about it, and then as he was dying of some sort of bizarre fever from his infected papercut and be like, "No, I'm fine, really, I'll just like, drink some water and be good to go.") I don't know why I find like, the ability to till the earth to be an indicator of fun sexytimes, but I really do.

Oh oh, and like, they are on break from recording to have lunch or something and Bob gets a phone call and it says "trick" on the screen, so he answers it in Bob's version of sexyvoice which is pretty much exactly like his regular voice except slightly less like he wants to know who the fuck is bothering him what the fuck and more like, well. More like he doesn't want to punch you in the face as soon as he sees you. So anyway, he's all, "Hey," and there's this pause and then all of a sudden, "BOB I LOOOOOVE YOOOOOU" really loudly and this cackle and even as Bob is pulling the phone away from his ear, he can hear Patrick in the background going, "I WILL MURDER YOU SO MUCH THAT YOUR GREAT GRANDCHILDREN WILL FEEL IT, MOTHERFUCKER, GET OFF ME JOE I NEED TO KILL PETE RIGHT NOW" and Pete is still cackling into the phone and Bob says in stern voice, "I'll help him hide the body, Wentz," and Pete just laughs at him and is all, "Patrick would never kill me!" and Patrick is all, "I'VE TRIED BEFORE!" and it gets kind of muffled and Pete's like, "That was just a love strangulation!"

...yeah, I don't even know.

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there's this pause and then all of a sudden, "BOB I LOOOOOVE YOOOOOU" really loudly and this cackle

PETE I LOVE YOUR SHENANIGATING WAYS SO MUCH. SO MUCH.

♥ Love strangulation!

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love strangulation = cupid's chokehold.

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*giggles forever*

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crap. Also, I am so with you on the sturdy thing. The question I often ask myself is, "is it possible I will snap him in half? y/n? If n, make with the eyes. If y, offer sammich."

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Sturdiness is so hot. 'Cause they're all solid and warm and awesome. Mmmmm.

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Exactly! It's cuddly! There is no fear a stray elbow will pierce your liver (I'm looking at you, RyRo!)

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Not to thread jump or anything but this whole thing is MADE OF WIN.

Mostly because, well Patrick/Bob FTW, but also because one of my friends plays Warhammer and the mockery of his wee tiny dollies.

Also, Gerard, you fabulous DORK.

And PETE! With shenanigans!

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I can't even tell you the high pitched noises of sheer delight I made when Patrick mentioned playing Warhammer with Gerard. It's SO DORKY and charming and awwww-inducing. Warhammer! OH BOYS.

And honestly, I love Pete's shenanigans. I think there should be more stupid boy shenanigans where they re-enact Jackass and Viva La Bam and drink gross stuff and kick each other in the balls. I find this all adorable! And it's not a surprise to me at all that they like that stuff, what with coming out of the crazy edge of the hardcore scene. And it's like, stupid playtime for pseudo-grown up boys. Um, um, yes. Anyway. I have deep affection for FOB + stupid boy shenanigans.

Also, I really want more MCR being giant nerds fic. Because they are giant nerds EVEN MORE than FOB or Cobra Starship. NERRRRRDS. Nerds are the best.

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I might have had a tiny geekgasm re: the Warhammer thing. OH BOYS.

I like to imagine them bringing others into the stupid boy shenanigans. For some reason, the image of Pete trying to convince Bob to let him kick him in the balls will never not make me wheeze.

YES! Giant unholy nerds! Like gaming tournaments in the bus and reading GenCon boards and shit!

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AHAHAHAHAHA. OH BOB AND PETE!

Ray Toro's Warcraft shirt makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.

And I totally bet the MCR guys have REAL SERIOUS DISCUSSIONS about things like which superhero is more awesome (clearly Bob = the winner in this as he loves the boyscout and that makes him AWESOME. BOB ILU!) and why wood kills vampires and the best way to survive the zombiepocalypse and Kirk vs Picard vs Sisko vs Janeway and sometimes they're playing around and Ray starts playing the Flash Gordon theme and they all act it out and contribute lines and stuff. NERRRRDS. *draws little sparkly hearts*

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oh, god. YES TO ALL OF THIS.

Bandom, ILU so hard!

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